Disgusting/ Inappropriate/Annoying Office Behavior

Bringing Your Obnoxious Dog to Work

Okay, I get it… You love your dog but frankly If I wanted some beast sniffing my crotch I’d go to your dad’s house.

Shut off Your Stupid Cell Phone

No one wants to hear your stupid cell phone ring in the robot-version of “Who Let the Dogs Out,” okay?

Just Don't Come to Work

I prefer not to hear you incessantly eject bugary mucus out of your face. Stay at home if you’re sick.

I also don’t appreciate your snorgling. What is snorggling, you ask? Check out definition #5

Burning Your Popcorn

It may seem trivial, but those who have been cooped up in an office with burnt popcorn smell for 6 hours know what I’m talking about.

Close Your Mouth While You Binge

Yes, I can hear you smack on the assorted contents of your siliva-induced Big Mac through my cubicle screen, so go waddle on over to the kitchen and offend someone else while you inhale your lunch.

Don't Talk About Your Kids

‘Cause I don’t give a shit. They have nothing to do with me. Don’t show me pictures— and DON’T bring them in the office. ‘Cause again, you’re the only one who cares.

Don't Invade My Personal Bubble

Like I said before, I work in a 5×7 cubicle. You are not allowed to waddle on in uninvited and hover over my shoulder and judge me for
f*%cking off on Guidespot.

Cover Up Your Snags

Flip-flops are not appropriate footwear for the office. Why is it that the asshole who thinks wearing their grimy flip-flops to work happens to have the scaliest, alien feet ever?

Stop Asking Me to Donate!

I’m sure your charity is the most important one ever, but you have a pretty good idea how much I make at this job. And it’s not enough to donate to every charity every one of you asks me to donate to.

My old co-worker begged for money for her mission trip every single year. Which she took 2.5 months of vacation time. Which means, not only was I stuck helping get her menial work done while she was gone, but she also wanted money from me. Any time of the year she wasn’t collection for her trip, she didn’t even look at me. Yeah right.