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Damn I Wish I Had Thought Of That
- by aliciak
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- July 30, 2009
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I frequently come across ideas, on the internet and in that socially-awkward thing called "real life" that I kick myself for not having thought of first. Which is to say, I kick myself for not being the person who will make money off of those ideas and/or reach the status of a fameball (Gawker's diction, not mine). Sometimes, I exclaim aloud, "Damn, I wish I had thought of that."
Don't knock it
The Internets
If you work in the world of the internets, oreven if you don’t, you know that the truly devoted are always looking for the next “it” blog idea. It could be right around the Firefox corner, lurking in the form of lolcats + something, an ironic photo blog depicting something, or even a single brilliant static page. And it could be all yours, the fame and fortune that will hopefully accompany your potentially inane idea.
Damn I Wish I Had Thought Of That
This is the blog I thought I would contribute to daily but I’ve instead forsaken it for working.
LOLCATS
This blog needs no explanation other than “I can has cheezburger?” Once upon a time, I was staying in one of those low-end beach houses with snakes and a swamp in the backyard (“waterview”). In the kitchen was a cheaply framed poster depicting a cat falling off a counter with a word bubble that said, “Oh Shit!”
It’s not particularly clever, or even that funny, but I LOVED it. This was pre-internet days, or at least, pre-internet-inside-of-computers-the-size-of-a-room days, but that poster could have sparked my own lolcats if I had had the gumption, or you know, if it had been 2003 instead of 1991.
Blue States Lose
Blue States Lose was a brilliantly funny weekly column on Gawker, composed by Best Week Ever’s Alex Blagg. Each week brought ten party photos of ridiculously pathetic-looking hipsters, their sultry glances, their ironically put-together ensembles, their excessive trying too hard. A fun little bonus game every once in a while was “Hipster or Homeless?” Man those were the good ole’ days…
The party is over; the column was axed when Gawker got a makeover, but the archives live on for your viewing pleasure (and pain). And I’ll leave you with an excerpt, a sweet taste of the genius:
Sure, sometimes it’s all fun and games with the ironic shirts and wacky 80’s sunglasses, but before you know it, you’ve got a terrifying Sex Instructor In A Tiger Hat on your hands, and people really start to get hurt (raped)
It’s a lot to aspire to, but I shall try.
The Fail Blog
Not only is the Fail Blog a great scrapbook of moments gone wrong, but it has enhanced my life by adding a little comic relief to the many Fail moments. When I throw something away and miss the garbage? “Fail!” When I trip up the subway steps? “Fail!” When I broke my face during an ice skating accident? Big “Fail!” Try it, it’s great fun.
Sorry I Missed Your Party
Sorry I missed your party, but not really, because you are lame. And here are the pictures and funny captions to prove it.
There are so many things wrong with this party, I won’t even begin.
Tumblr Fail
I think the name “Tumblr” fails, but that’s only because pet peeve #867 of mine is website names that leave out 1-2 letters, such as Tumblr and Flickr. But I guess some individual tumblrs and their pictures fail as well.
Things I did last night
Just click.
Hodge Podge
Sometimes, you want to link to a random jumble of pictures, ideas, products, blogs, news, inventions, cultural phenomena, and the like, but you hear that college professor voice in your head saying, NO, you must have focus, smooth transitions, it must all come together!
Yeah well, that’s crap. Two of my favorite bloggy blogs are mere hodge podge.
Words and Phrases
Damn, I wish I had thought of them! Because then I could tell my grandchildren 50 years from now, "Yes, dear, Grandma invented the word “douchebag” back when she knew quite a few people who needed a category of their own."
- douchebag
- “That’s what she said” -the great Michael Scott
- hiptard
- fameball
*Inventions*
I don’t know about you, but there are many modern-day inventions out there that I wish I had my name on. No, I’m not talking actual useful things like insulin, air conditioning, or rolling luggage, but the superfluous things that mostly come out of America.
The Umbrella Hat
I don’t even know why, but growing up, I thought the umbrella hat was the greatest invention in the world. Light bulb? Not interested. Vaccines? Boring. The whole freakin’ internet? Give me a break.
Pop Rocks!
The Topsy Turvy Upside Down Tomato Plant
As a young kid, I came across some article stating that scientists were trying to come up with a way to make square tomatoes because it would make packing easier and far cheaper.
I tried all different things with seeds and planting, but to no avail. Instead, I should have thought of planting a tomato plant “upside down.” Could have been rich!
An Apple Jacket
The Jump to Conclusions Map
From a little movie called Office Space.
Easy Cheese
My parents refused to buy it, so I guess that was part of the appeal. Now, had I invented the damn thing, I wouldn’t have had to buy it.
I wish I had thought about writing that blog (that has since become a book) Stuff White People Like. It’s totally ridiculous— and what’s even more ridiculous is that 90% of what’s in there describes me. Sigh. I’m a cliche.
added by Elijay 12/05/2008
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My apples have been without jackets this whole time??! God, I feel negligent. Amazing.
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Thanks!
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I am now 100% addicted to “Sorry I missed your party”. Hilarious!
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