Vanity + Photoshop = Awesomely Cheap...I Mean Personal Holiday Gifts

  • by elissa
  • -
  • January 05, 2009
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Last year, as I wracked my brain to create a set of classy one-of-a-kind gifts on a beer bottle pocket, the gift idea of all gift ideas struck me: a customized calendar featuring hackneyed seasonal pictures of ME. That way, every time Uncle Gary had a dentist appointment, or Grandma Reggie had a water aerobics class, they would be graced with a heartwarming photo of their favorite relative. If you share my passion for Photoshop, and giving people giant pictures of yourself, please read on, and spread your own self-indulgent gift to the world.

Get Into Character

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Make sure to be convincing. To prepare for this photo I ate nothing but cornmeal for a week, and I think viewers are really penetrated by the resulting image of yearning, fear and pride.

Consider The Weather

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Due to a relatively long fall last year in Chicago, I was able to snag a few calendar photos outside. You may be shivering in those short shorts, but the authentic porch background will make the gift all the more meaningful to its recipient.

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All you need is a few flowers to blend convincingly with a stolen backdrop.

Pose With Gifts The Recipient Gave You

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I always knew that little chick would come in handy.

Borrow Your Mom's Hawaiin Mumu

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Learn How To Use Your Flash Timer

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After about the 5th elaborate photoshoot, your friends may start to lose interest in being your photographer. That’s when you set up your camera on a pile of books and use the automatic timer.

Other Vain Gift Ideas

Photo Bobblehead

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Personalized Russian Dolls

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Spare No Details In Setting

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Take the time to set the scene for each photo. Every cocktail umbrella counts when you’re making a calendar. Remember this rule, and your relatives will never want to turn the page to a new month!

And don’t forget, the taller the hair, the closer to God.

And If The Weather Fails You...

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…there’s no reason you cannot be digitally transported to a tropical Bolivian forest, or the lush gardens of Giverny. Even if you don’t have Photoshop, these feats can be accomplished using Paint.

The Wonders Of Windows Paint

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This was another Guidespotter’s brilliant contribution in the guide, “2009 Predictions,” made entirely on paint. Imagine the possibilities!

Pose Quickly With Pumpkins In Jewel Parking Lot

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Before the security guard asks you to leave.

Also consider color enhancement. They definitely don’t make pumpkins this orange in the inner-city Chicago.

Remember, The Universe Of Fantastically Ugly Sweaters Transcends Christmas

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When You Realize You Forgot To Do July 2 Hours Before Your Proof Is Due...

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…don’t forget the importance of stock photography.

Awkward Mousepad

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Portrait On An Apron

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Remember, Kim Kardashian Did It, So It Must Be Cool

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I’m not really sure how she got her boobs to do that. I take solace in the fact that I doubt she could pull off the pilgrim shot.

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