Weird Exercise Equipment, plus a Chance to WIN YOUR OWN!!

What is the Entertrainer?

You strap on the heart monitor, and if your heart rate falls below the target zone, the volume on your TV goes down. Better keep pace if you want to hear the ending of this week’s True Blood!

The Power Plate

For just one easy payment of $4,500, you too can purchase your very own Power Plate, a vibration training device which supposedly helps you lose weight by subjecting your body to a bunch of scientific stuff. They’ve got formulas and shit, so no way this thing is some over-marketed foot massager.

iGallop

Helps shape and tone your body through balancing at three different speeds, from “trot” to “gallop,” all the way up to “race.”

If purchasing from the UK or California, be sure to look for it under its alternate name, the iCockRider.

The "Mechanical Core Muscle Trainer"

Only $1,500 from Hammacher Schlemmer, for those of you that prefer stirrups.

The Ab Doer

Don’t care what it does. Best. Name. Ever. You can tell they’re not even trying to be creative about it any more.

Velcor Shoes

Also known as the most frustrating workout of your entire life.

The Bullworker

They have a website.

I still have no idea what you’re supposed do with this thing.

The Power Wheel

It’s like the Devil’s unicycle with no seat. You cannot honestly say that the very first thing that popped into your head when you saw it didn’t involve you hurting yourself somehow.

Get yours today!

Dumbbell Phone

Particularly useful for the neighborhood gossip hoping to beef up before their Jerry Springer appearance.

Aquavee Portable Swim System

I can see why this may look like just a pair of rubber bands that attach to the side of your swimming pool so you can’t go anywhere, but that’s only because it is.

And it costs $90.

Ski Simulator

You can’t tell me this isn’t the coolest thing in the world, right?? Yes, it’s weird, but yes, it’s cool as well. I don’t even ski and and I want this!

WIN THE ENTERTRAINER!

How would you like your very own, brand new Entertrainer (retail $59) to play fitness Nazi with your TV?

All you need to do is add a picture or video to this guide of your least favorite piece of exercise equipment, and tell us what you don’t like about it. I’ll randomly select the winner on September 19th and let them know via a Shout Out.

Good luck!

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UPDATE — We have a winner — let’s hope that Alicia gets more use out of this bad boy than I ever did (although it shouldn’t be hard to beat ZERO times)!

Dumbbell Alarm Clock

Product page says: “This alarm clock won’t stop buzzing until you’ve performed 30 repetitions.” Very clever.

Still, the last thing that I need is an alarm clock heavy enough to break something when I throw it across the room.

Available for purchase at Lazybone

Gliding Sliding Discs

Basically you glide around gracefully on these little pads, which helps to lengthen your muscles and in no way make you look like the most awkward person on the face of the Earth.

One should also note that the same effect can be achieved by sliding around the kitchen floor in your socks.

The Treadwall

Alright fine. Even I have to admit that this one is pretty awesome. Although I’m screwed if it gets delivered with “some assembly required.”

The Hula Chair

Have a sit and spin your butt in circles, working the lower abs and glutes. Get yours now, just don’t blame me if you never look half as excited about it as the girl in this picture does.

Dumbbell Sports Drinks

Refill the bottle with bourbon to make your daily transitions even more seamless.

The Facial Flex

You know, I was actually pretty surprised by the lack of X-rated search results returned for “facial exercises.”

But here’s one of the things I found.