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Crazy Things Made Out of Matzah
- by elijay
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- April 10, 2009
(3)
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In case you didn't know it's Passover! Which means 8 bread-free (read: matzah-filled) days are upon us. Matzah is lovingly referred to as the "bread of affliction" since the Jews ate it when they were escaping slavery in Ancient Egypt. And what's a person to do with afflicted bread? Why make crazy novelty items of course!
Matzah Boxer Shorts
If you’re trying to impress the ladies, a pair of matzah boxer shorts will do the job. Not only does it show that you’re concerned about not lowering your sperm count (he must want kids! how great!) but it shows you’re also committed to Judaism (Mom will be so happy!)
Matzah Apron
Who is this “Matzah Maniac”?!? Is this Matzah Maniac going to come steal our matzah during the night?!?! As well as our definite articles?!?! Oh Dear God!!!
Dancing Matzah Man
Kids will have hours of fun with this Dancing Matzah Man— a very distant relative of the dancing Santa Claus.
Matzah Ball
Perfect for those impromptu games of volleyball or prisoner (are you having sixth grade flashbacks? because I am…) at the Seder table.
Matzah Tie
Why leave Passover at home when you can bring it into the office! You and your colleagues will have tons of fun with your matzah tie at the water cooler. And by tons of fun, I mean they’re probably going to be making fun of you like nobody’s business. In that case you are free to throw stale macaroons at them.
Matzah Juggling Balls
Make your Seder a bigger circus than it already is, with some matzah juggling balls! Now your family will have a whole ’nother reason to call you a clown.
Matzah Spreaders
Perfect for those impromptu Passover picnics and wine and cheese parties. Don’t forget the Baron Herzog!
Matzah Toilet Seat Cover
Let my people go… to the bathroom! If you’ve ever eaten matzah for eight days you’ll understand why this is funny because it’s true. If you don’t know what I’m talking about I’ll tell you that eating copious amounts of matzah usually leads to a little thing that rhymes with stonstipation.
Matzah Ball Timer
How are you supposed to know when your brisket is done? Why the matzah ball timer of course! Let’s just pray your grandma’s matzah balls aren’t this rock-like.
Matzah Onesie
There’s no reason why baby can’t participate in the matzah fun— just make sure no one actually tries to take a bite out of Grandma’s LIttle Matzoball, have you seen those cheeks?!
Matzah Bib
Why just dress the baby in a onesie when you can stick this bib on it as well! Extra points for the worn-out slogan.
Matzah Yarmulke
Perfect for the observant Jew, or the Jew who wants to cover his bald spot.
Matzah Oven Mitts and Pot Holders
When the going (or the pot) gets hot, the hot get matzah oven mitts.
Matzah Basket
Woah, a matzah holder, made out of matzah?! That’s like meta-matzah or something.
Matzah Sweeper
And after the party’s all over and done with you can clean up all those pesky matzah crumbs with the Matzah Sweeper (the Jewish version of the Swiffer).
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.jpg "aliciak")
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Wow, who knew afflicted bread could be so marketable! I have yet to see some of these items out on the town…or in the bathroom or kitchen though.
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Awesome. I’m adding this to Facebook!
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