Best of Craigslist-Harrisburg

FEMALE ROOMMATE WANTED FREE RENT (Harrisburg suburb)

What they said …

“FEMALE ROOMMATE WANTED!!!I’m OFFERING FREE RENT AND MORE….First, This is a real ad. I’m looking for a hottie female roomate, preferably a co-ed. I’m offering FREE rent, utilities, ocassional dinners out and MANY other perks, for some companionship once in a while for the right girl. Includes high speed internet and cable. It also includes a washer an dryer unit in the house. Place is completey furnished. I stay very busy so you can have run of house yourself.I have a house in a really nice area.
This is a 3 bedroom house and I’m willing to give up the master bedroom for the right girl.
It’s quiet and it’s a perfect place for studying and if you want to take your schooling serious.
I’m a very chill local professional 31 year old male, I’m very clean and organized so I’m not looking for someone to pick up after me.
I have a very fit body and ok looking. I’m VERY clean with great hygene and drug and disease free. Like to stay active. I’m fun to be around and I’m really easy to talk to.
Very quiet and relaxing atmosphere but yet so close to everything.
Please ask any questions you may have or we can also go into any details over a bite to eat if you want.
Please send a picture with your reply and we can go from there. I WILL ONLY RESPOND TO a non-gmail address,Myspace or Facebook so I know your real.”

What I say …

I realize that these days the internet is prettttty much fair game for meeting people.  But, really?  REALLY?  Now people are going to disguise their “About Me’s” in a roommate wanted ad?

I can’t decide if my favorite part is when he says he’ll give up the master bedroom for the right girl or when he says he’s both muscular and “ok looking”.

Come on buddy, only ok looking?  I would think that anyone with the cojones to place an ad offering free rent (ooo. ooo. ooo.  And occasional dinners!) to the right girl would be able to describe himself as MORE than “ok looking”.

Listed under Free ...

What they said …

  “I have a set of 1989 Lexicon Encyclopedias. Unfortunately they were never used. They never sent updates for years after. They are really nice but very out of date. If anyone has an interest in them please contact me. They also come with a 4 volume set of medical books.”

What I say …

“Unfortunately they were never used.”  Hmm.  Me thinks SOMEBODY wasn’t doing their report writing?  (I tooootally, completely plagarized my world book for a 3rd grade report on elephants.  And my MOM helped me!  For shame!)

And I also wonder.  Is there a big market for 20 year old encyclopedia sets? 

Free Fire Wood and Free Tree

What they said …

“CUT AND SAVE ON YOUR FUEL BILL TODAY!…..I have a tree for free if anyone wants it, you cut it and haul, you can have it. The tree would be enough to heat your house for the winter.The tree is in my back yard and must be cut down in sections……I will help you cut down the tree and load your truck or van!”

What I say …

My favorite kind of “free” advertisments are that offer something for free BUT you have to do all the work for it.  I mean … I s’pose craigslist can’t create a "I need my tree cut down and don’t have the money to do it so I’m going to offer it as firewood hoping someone will do it for me for FREE’ category.  But, hey, how about a “reverse free” category … so at least know what to expect!

cease and desist letter needed

What they said …

“i need a cease and desist letter written on the cheap. i have an sub contractor that is breaking the non compete in there contract. they a working with a competitor. they have also provided the competitor with proprietary materials and intimate knowledge of my company. i can provide a copy of the contract. this letter needs to sound official and should put some fear in them. im simply trying to stop them from working for anyone else. if you are a lawyer and can do this really cheap, great. if not, but can still make it look good, that good too. id also like a version to send to the competition. let me know what you can do and for how much.”

What I say …

I’m really, truly amazed that this person (with fan-TAS-tic communication skills) just doesn’t write their OWN cease and desist letter.  (Er.  Well.  That was also sarcastic.)

Looking for oscilloscope and Function Generator (Camp Hill)

What they said …

“I am looking for a used 2ch. oscilloscope and a function generator to test audio equipment. I am not looking for anything fancy, I would hope someone from a tech school finds this and can let me in on a school auction or raffle.

Thanks”
What I say …

Hoping on Craigslist?  There’s no hoping on Craigslist!

Butchered movie quotes aside there is nothing wrong with, um, just flat out ASKING for what you want.  You don’t gotta hope!

Graphic Novels - $1 (Camp Hill)

What they said …

“I’m willing to trade graphic novels in good condition. I’m more of a DC guy so I’ll probably trade off my Marvel stuff. Also if you want I’ll buy some of yours for a good price if I don’t have it. I don’t feel like making a list of what I have but let me know what you’re willing to trade and what you’re looking for and maybe I got it.”

What I say …

Graphic novels?  Um.  By “graphic novels” do you mean COMIC BOOKS? 

Diamond Ring - $4000 (New Cumberland)

What they said …

“Ladies diamond Wedding ring, appraised at over $4000.00 looking to trade for a Convertable Car, Street Rod or a 8 cyl. SUV. Also willing to trade 1994 conversion van in nice shape in addition to the ring. Total trade about $8000.00.”

What I say …

Sounds like SOMEBODY had a break up? 

“Screw her!  I’m getting a cool car!!!”

I need the Tutor of English

What they said …

“I search for the person which will help me to read and speak correctly in English. I the man of 46 years with higher education from Russia. I can to pay $10 an hour.”

What I say …

Psssst … you MIGHT want to arrange to add “write” along with the teaching to “read” and “speak”.

sort boxes & run errands

What they said …

“strong, upbeat man sought to lift some boxes,
carry clothes, drive me to errands in baltimore
county & city, possibly to washington, dc.

i’m an interior decorator who must sort through
my stuff from storage and am in between cars.

please send photo,
confirmation of clean driving record,
familiarity of the baltimore-washington area,
make & year of car
proof of insurance
five character & work references
salary requirements”

What I say …

So.  Really.  Absolutely noooooo monkey business going on here. (Again with the veiled ad of a more personal type!) I know that I would personally ALWAYS request a photo of prospective “errand runners”.
Riiiiigggghhhtttt….

What they said …

“looking for aggressive vendors willing to earn very good pay selling fresh seafood curb side 3 days aweek
live lobster ,maine shrimp ,live crabs”

What I say …

Seafood sold curbside.  I saw this once down in the Dirty Jerz at a festival.  The seafood was on ice with the hot summer sun BEATING down upon it.  Cold on one side and sunny warm on the other?  To me that screams diarrhea (cha cha cha.)

$300 / 3br - Mt Gretna lake (Listed under vacation rentals)

What they said …

“Beautiful house near lake available June 15-30. Take care of our dog and cat while we’re away.”

What I say …

Note:  Remember, this was listed under “vacation rentals”.

1. Seriously?  I’m going to go on vacation, stay in someone’s “all the time” house, AND I will have to take care of their pets?  Really?  Um. I’m all for house sitting…but that’s not necessarily a vacation.  It’s more like a favor.
2. And to the house owners.  REALLY?  You’re going to let some stranger (danger) stay in your house AND put the lives of your precious pets on the line.  This IS craigslist btw.  Cooky, crazies read craigslist!

To the person with the Free tire on Devonshire rd. (Lower Paxton)

What they said …

“Thanks a million. It went to a good home.”

What I say …

A good home is waaaaaaay better than a trash heap, no?  And a nice “thank you” goes a long, long way.  I’m sure Miss Manners would approve!