Categories: Humor; Geek

New York Makes Emo Boys Cry

By mattfriedinNY
updated 11 days ago

Asking an emo kid "How're you doing?" is a loaded question whose answer could constitute manslaughter. Every year, hundreds of emo kids show up in New York with big dreams of being famous for something and hooking-up with an Olsen twin. Yet, New York maybe be a little too hard for even the most sensitive emo kid. Join me, (will you?) as we examine the do-or-die existence of an adolescent by-product. I give you: Johnny Crybaby's big day in the city.

Bowery Poetry Club

308 Bowery, New York, NY 10012

After being a fixture in the East Village for years, BPC still hosts one of the best open mike nights for emerging poets. Finally – a place to share your eight page epic about the girl who dumped you in middle school.

The good news is that “being emo” really is a only phase. Of course, like anything in pop culture, it had to be turned into a fashion statement before it can properly die. Most emo kids turn out okay as life goes on: some of us are comic book artists, or real estate brokers… or embittered writers. True enough, we all may have enjoyed the pain of being alone, but that really was a front for being horny most of the time. I used to hate my emo years, but I now look back on them fondly. Without all of the melancholy, I may have never arrived at the guy that I am today. But now that the emo boy’s time has passed, I think I’ve done the right thing with him – I’ve locked him in the darkest closet I could find with every single Jawbreaker album ever made.

There is a horrible truth about my past: I was once an emo boy. From roughly seventeen to twenty-one, I defined my existence by slim leg jeans, Chuck Talyor high tops, and early Further Seems Forever records. I wrote bad love poetry. I talked endlessly about my loneliness. I even owned a fedora at one point. Chills run down my spine even thinking about it. Everything I am writing about is from a place of love; a part of a bygone era in my life when all the pain felt so right.

7-11

345 West 42nd Street, New York, NY 10036

One of the few luxuries all the emo kids in the suburbs get to enjoy. Luckily, a few brave entrepreneurs have decided to brave the Big Apple and compete against neighborhood delis and bodegas. What this means for you is that there’s a place to hang-out at on Saturday night… until they kick you out for loitering.

The Soundtrack to Heartbreak

“Seven” by Sunny Day Real Estate
“Nightingale” by Saves The Day
“How Nothing Feels” by The Promise Ring
“Hands Down” (Studio Take) by Dashboard Confessional
“Wearing Thin” by Further Seems Forever
“I’m A Loner Dottie, A Rebel…” by The Get Up Kids
“Division Street” by Thursday
“Devil In Jersey City” by Coheed & Cambria
“The D In Detroit” by The Anniversary
“Chicago Is So Two Years Ago” by Fall Out Boy
“The Best of Me” by The Starting Line
“Only In Dreams” by Weezer