"You're Tall"

I would say a small majority of “lines” that I’ve heard have referenced my height.  Yeah, I’m tall, but how far do you think pointing that out is going to get you?

“How tall are you?”
“Are you a model?”
“Is your mom tall or is your dad tall?”

"So, where's your drink?"

This is the WORST pickup line ever. Not only does it make you like a douche who only likes drunk girls, but it makes you look like a cheapskate when you don’t offer to buy me a drink.

"What was your SAT score?"

Maybe this is an OK pick up line if you’re 17…but not when you’re 30.

"What's Your Sign?"

  Sure, it’s cliched, but it can really strike up some great conversations.

No, I’m kidding. It’s a terrible pick up line. No one should ever use this.

“The CIA is searching for my penis and I need somewhere to hide it.”   

That beer ain't gonna buy itself and walk over here.

ok – its not a pickup line, but if you enjoy getting a drink thrown in your face its effective.  Ask my wife.

"Are you going to eat that?"

Works as a great conversation starter. Plus, you might get something to eat out of it.

"You've never heard of me?"

Some loser at the H.M.S. Bounty said that to me one night. He claimed to be the French Canadian folksinger, Leon, and was shocked that I had never heard of him.

"When was the last time you cried?"

He actually came up to me and said “I’m going to ask you the only real question there is in life,” then wrote “When was the last time you cried?” on a napkin. He had an Australian accent, but now that I think of it, he was probably faking it.

"Are those real?"

Ha, you ain’t gonna find out, now are ya!

"I'm going to make out later. Would you like to join me?"

And, yes.

It works.

"Hi, I'm..."

There’s no real way to pull off this opener without looking like a) a tool, b) an idiot, or c) Matt Fried.

Who do you know?

First of all, I’m not sure that’s grammatically correct.  Anyway, the very first time I visited L.A., a girl at a bar actually asked me that.  Of course, I said “nobody”, and she turned that little stick figure body around and walked away.

"I recently discovered that I have special powers."

And need help deciding to use them for good or evil.