Columbus Day is upon us, unfortunately

By aliciak
updated about 1 month ago

I'll never forget that day in anthropology when I learned that Christopher Columbus was a total douchebag. Wait, our social studies books AND teachers lied to us? Next thing you know, someone will tell me that diagraming sentences was a big waste of time and that playing Oregon Trail every single Computers class didn't actually further my education. But whatever, it's almost Columbus Day and you know what that means? Every business has to make up special events, sales and deals to accompany it in order to make money. Let's see what we've got!

The Lowdown on Chris

He was indeed an Italian explorer, but he didn’t exactly “discover” America like those textbooks would like to have you believe. He did, however, pique everyone’s curiosity about land over this way a bit more. Columbus also found himself smack-dab in the middle of a trend called IMPERIALISM. In other words: “You have stuff I want—gimme!” He named the natives “Indians” and proceeded to generally be a bad person. And that is the Christopher Columbus lesson of the day, kids!

The Columbus Day Parade

The most obvious way to celebrate this Monday is by attending the annual Columbus Day Parade. It’s “the world’s largest celebration of Italian-American heritage and culture and is broadcast on six continents.” Oh my. Parades always sound more fun than they are, and really how different are they from normal days in Manhattan? Lots of traffic, people dressed up funny, loud music and a general feeling of malaise.

The parade runs along 5th Avenue from 44th to 79th street, beginning around 11:30 and finishing up around 3. In other words, avoid this area like the plague if you feel like going for a relaxing drive.

Grand Central Terminal

87 E 42nd St, New York, NY 10017

To accompany the parade festivities, there are also…exhibits! Will they tell you the heroic story of Columbus or the stark truth? You will have to find out. The exhibits in Grand Central run through October 19.

Nuyorican Poets Cafe Inc

236 E 3rd St, New York, NY 10009

Hate Columbus Day? You are not alone! The Nuyorican Poets Cafe will holds its Anti-Columbus Day Bash SUNDAY night in an all-out protest. Wheeee!

Picnic Market & Cafe

2665 Broadway, New York, NY 10025

Were you more of the science type in school? Forget social studies and history! Monday night is Cafe Science! The topic is “Is Glass a Liquid? The Science Behind the Urban Legend.” Maybe I’m a nerd, but that sounds about 100 times more fun than a historical figure parade.