College Admission FAILS

My College Admission FAILS

Remember checking the mail every single day and having such anxiety? And then there were all the standardized tests that the rich kids got to prepare for by taking Kaplan classes while you studied the outdated library test prep books and perused lists of vocabulary words, which no one uses but maybe Henry James.

Dealing With Rejection

“I didn’t even want to go there.”
“My social life would have sucked.”
“It’s cold 8 months out of the year.”
“It’s their loss.”
“I probably didn’t get in because I’m just another smart dude of Indo-European descent who’s from Pennsylvania.”
“They just didn’t appreciate the beauty of writing a personal essay as a conversation between Aristotle and Michael Jordan. Losers.”

Theater Dept. Audition FAIL

I was auditioning for the Boston University theater department, and was super-nervous. We got an orientation speech from the department head – who was this extremely condescending theater professor – where the basic point was “At this school, we produce artists, not actors.” Awesome, great start. Then, of course, when the actual audition portion had to happen, I was assigned to perform for this same professor. Super Awesome. I go into the room: she started asking me a few questions (in just as personable a manner as her speech went), and then she asked me to perform my monologue. Me being the guy who was super-eager to please: I grab a chair, pull it up to her desk, and start doing my monologue as if it’s a private conversation I’m having with her (because back then, I was “Method”). She immediately recoils, stops me, and then chastises me, “You can’t play to me! I’m supposed to be evaluating you! How am I supposed to take notes when I feel like I have to play off of you!” She was nice enough to let me perform my monologue a second time; but then she politely dismissed me, saying she’s seen enough.

Interview FAIL

Insert your interview-bomb stories here.

Early Decision FAIL

You’re the kid who showed up early but they still didn’t want you. Nice try, sucka!

SAT FAIL

I totally got a migraine during the PSATs. Not cool, brain!

You know what’s embarrassing???……I didnt’ even take my SAT’S until last year. Walking back into a highschool made me want to vomit everywhere, not to mention I didn’t remember  ANYTHING from highschool that was on the test.

SAT FAIL

I was totally cruising through the SAT.  I even finished a whole section 10 minutes early.   Then, right as the proctor said “pencils down”, I turned the page and realized I had skipped an entire two pages of questions….that kinda sucked.

Waitlisted FAIL

I was waitlisted from a school, only to later not get accepted. For the record though, I spelled my name wrong on the application, crossed it out and used the same application anyway. That’s what you call the “hand of fate.”

SAT Fail #3

Ever worked your answers solely in the SAT booklet, then frantically transferred your answers to the scantron five minutes before time is called…only to end 1 answer short? Yeah, that sucks.