Psycho Love Songs

by karey_ann
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July 11, 2009

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So you're softly singing along to a song you've heard a million times when all of the sudden, you realize that you've just sung the most stalkerish line that was ever written. You repeat it without singing it. It is seriously creepy. There are some ubiquitous psycho love songs out there people, and we love them and enjoy singing them. We're sick like that. Top creepy ditties:

"I'd Die Without You"

PM Dawn

“If I have to give away…
The feeling that I feel.
If I have to sacrifice…
Oh, whatever babe, whatever baby.
If I have to take apart…
All that I am…
Is there anything that I would not do,
‘Cause inside I’d die without you…
‘Cause inside I’d die without you…
‘Cause inside I’d die without you…
‘Cause inside I’d die without you…
‘Cause inside I’d die without you…
‘Cause inside I’d die without you…
‘Cause inside I’d die without you…
‘Cause inside I’d die without you…
‘Cause inside I’d die without you…”

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Reason It Totally Creeps Us Out: Takes us straight back to the early 90s

Psychological Analysis: Being dorky dudes with colored eye-glass lenses and a weird 60s aesthetic AND losing the babe is sure to cause psychological distress. Prescription: take the earnings of all three popular songs, buy yacht. There, isn’t that better?

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"I love you, I Love You Anyhow. I Don't Care If You Don't Want Me"

This suggestion in from our very own AliciaK :

Screaming Jay Hawkins – I Put A Spell On You

“I put a spell on you
Because you’re mine

Stop the things you do
Watch out, I ain’t lying

I can’t stand
No running around
I can’t stand
And no putting me down

I put a spell on you
Because you’re mine

Stop the things you do
Watch out, I ain’t lying

I love you, I love you
I love you anyhow
I don’t care if you don’t want me
I’m yours right now

I put a spell on you
Because you’re mine, mine, mine
Oh you’re mine."

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"I Have Nothing, Nothing, Nothing . . ."

Whitney Houston

Chorus:
“Don’t make me close one more door,
I don’t wanna hurt anymore.
Stay in my arms if you dare,
Or must I imagine you there.
Don’t walk away from me.
(No, don’t walk awya from me. Don’t you dare walk away from me.)
I have nothing, nothing, nothing
If I don’t have you, you (you, you, you./If I don’t have you, oh, oo.)”

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Reason It Totally Creeps Us Out: Um, she was married to Bobby Brown, also an allegedly abusive recording “artist”.

Because, you know, if he really hit her, it “would be more than just a little cut on the lip.” WTF?

Psychological Analysis: Whitney is showing some seriously dependent behaviour on both men and crack. Two baaaaaad habits.

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"I'm gonna hold you in my arms forever"

Sergio Mendes – “Never Gonna Let You Go”

“I’m never gonna let you go
I’m gonna hold you in my arms forever
Gonna try and make up for all the times
I hurt you so

Gonna hold your body close to mine
From this day on we’re gonna be together
Oh I swear this time
I’m never gonna let you go"

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"I'll Give You Candy, Give You Diamonds, Give You Pills"

Suggested by Age
Dramarama – “Anything”

“Okay what is it tonight?
please just tell me what the hell is wrong
do you want to eat, do you want to sleep, do you want to drown?
just settle down, settle down, settle down
i’ll give you candy, give you diamonds, give you pills
give you anything you want, hundred dollar bills
i’ll even let you watch the shows you want to see
just marry me, marry me, marry me

i’m so sick of you tonight
you never stay awake when i get home
is something wrong with me, is something wrong with you?
i really wish i knew, wish i knew, wish i knew
i’ll give you candy, give you diamonds, give you pills
i’ll give you anything you want, hundred dollar bills
i even let you watch the shows you want to see
because you married me, married me, married me….married me, married me, married me

i was young i learned a game
that love and happiness were the same
now i’m older and i don’t play
i found out the hardest way
i got wasted, she got mad
called me names and she called her dad
he got crazy and i did too
wondered what i did to you
i gave you candy, gave you diamonds, gave you pills, i gave you anything you want, hundred dollar bills
i even let you hear the songs i want to sing
i’ll give you anything, anything, anything
i’ll give you anything, anything, anything
i’ll give you anything, anything, anything
anything… anything… anything "

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Reason It Totally Creeps Us Out: Even though he pledges, and does, give her anything she wants, he seems pretty darn ambivalent . . . not the best endorsement of marriage we’ve ever heard. And did he get owned by her Dad – what’s that all about?

Psychological Analysis: Marriage and substance abuse counseling mandatory. Just to cover the bases for the imminent divorce.

PS I think this is the best press Dramarama has gotten in years . . .

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#6 "I know what them girls like"

Ludacris featuring Chris Brown

[Chris Brown:]
“I know what them girls
I know I know what them girls
I know I know what them girls
I know I know what them girls like
I KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE BABY!”

Um, yeah, Chris. Nothing I like more than a nice big pop in the face.

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#5 "They Know Your Every Move"

Private Eyes – Hall ’n Oates

“Private Eyes
They’re watching you
They see your every move
Private Eyes
They’re watching you
Private Eyes
They’re watching you watching you watching you watching you

You play with words you play with love
You can twist it around baby that ain’t enough
Cause girl I’m gonna know
If you’re letting me in or letting me go
Don’t lie when you’re hurting inside
‘Cause you can’t escape my . . ."

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#4 "Every Move You Make, Every Smile You Fake"

This suggestion from our very own Matt Fried in NY

“Every Breath You Take” – The Police

Every breath you take
And every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
Ill be watching you

Every single day
And every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
Ill be watching you

Oh, cant you see
You belong to me
Now my poor heart aches
With every step you take

Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
Ill be watching you

Since youve gone, Ive been lost without a trace
I dream at night, I can only see your face
I look around but its you I cant replace
I feel so cold and I long for your embrace
I keep crying baby, baby please

Oh, cant you see
You belong to me
Now my poor heart aches
Every step you take

Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
Ill be watching you

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Reason It Totally Creeps Us Out: You know this is what some crazy lovelorn stalker guy is saying to himself somewhere right now! Makes you want to make sure that can of pepper spray in your purse is still fully functional.

Psychological Analysis: How to rectify those lyrics with excerpts from this interview from the Guardian:

Tantric sex is “a journey”, not about “fucking for eight hours”. “I try to be lighthearted about it,” he says, “but at the same time, there is some serious information about couples and how they can relate and sex is only a tiny proportion of it. It’s about ritualising a period of the day with your partner; it can be looking at each other, touching each other, running a bath, a massage, deeper levels of connection. Sex is only the surface. Once you really connect, telling the truth, talking, all of that. Tantra is much too complex for me to discuss. But it’s about reconnecting with the world of the spirit through everyday things. My church happens to be the person I live with. She is my connection to the sacred.”

even throws the experts into confusion. WTF?

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#3 "Give Me One More Night"

“I’ve been sitting here so long
Wasting time, just staring at the phone
And I was wondering should I call you
Then I thought maybe you’re not alone

Please give me one more night, give me just one more night
Oh one more night, cos I can’t wait forever
Please give me one more night, ooh just one more night
Oh one more night, cos I can’t wait forever
Give me one more night, give me just one more night
Ooh one more night, cos I can’t wait forever

Like a river to the sea
I will always be with you
And if you sail away
I will follow you"

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Reason It Totally Creeps Us Out: I know, we all love Phil, right? It’s hard not to root for him but this is some desperately creepy. So she broke it off with him, he thinks she might be with someone else, but he begs for one last sha-bang, and then vows to follow her wherever she goes? Phil, quit drinking by yourself in the dark!

Psychological Analysis: Total mess

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#2:"To Die By Your Side, The Pleasure, The Privilege Is Mine"

The Smiths

“Take me out tonight
Oh, take me anywhere, I don’t care
I don’t care, I don’t care
Driving in your car
I never never want to go home
Because I haven’t got one, da …
Oh, I haven’t got one

And if a double-decker bus
Crashes into us
To die by your side
Is such a heavenly way to die

And if a ten-ton truck
Kills the both of us
To die by your side
Well, the pleasure – the privilege is mine"

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#1 Behind the boathouse???

Possum Kingdom – The Toadies

Make up your mind
Decide to walk with me
Around the lake tonight
Around the lake tonight
By my side
By my side
I’m not gonna lie
I’ll not be a gentleman
Behind the boathouse
I’ll show you my dark secret

I’m not gonna lie
I want you for mine
My blushing bride
My lover, be my lover, yeah…

Don’t be afraid
I didn’t mean to scare you
So help me, Jesus

I can promise you
You’ll stay as beautiful
With dark hair
And soft skin…forever
Forever

Make up your mind
Make up your mind
And I’ll promise you
I will treat you well
My sweet angel
So help me, Jesus

(hey, hey, hey)

Give it up to me
Give it up to me
Do you wanna be
My angel?
So help me!

Be my angel

Do you wanna die?

I promise you
I will treat you well
My sweet angel
So help me, Jesus

Jesus

Jesus…

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Reason It Totally Creeps Us Out: Aaaaaaaaaah!! Did you read the lyrics?!? Even the name of the song!? I’ve lost sleep over what happens behind the boathouse! The most realistic monologue psycho songs have to offer.

Psychological Analysis: Run, run, run away!! Totally psycho. Why did they need to write this song??

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Amoeba Music

2455 Telegraph Ave, Berkeley, CA 94704

Best place to get your psycho music to bring home, turn the lights off, light some candles, and sing along.

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Discussions

: by age 03/27/2009 Reply

Oh my goodness….what about “Anything Anything” by Dramarama!! He’ll give her diamonds or pills??? Great, he wants a cracked out gold digger. That’s just creepy and it’s psychotically psycho! Amazing job on this one. I was laughing my @$$ off!

: by the_mean_bean 03/26/2009 Reply

Dude, I really love “I have nothing.”

: by matt_fried 03/24/2009 Reply

Great guide, but – dude – you totally missed “Every Breath You Take” by The Police. THEY OPENLY ADMIT IT’S ABOUT STALKING!!!!

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About The Author

karey_ann

Rockridge

This wine-swilling, tango-touting, twittering fashionista is also a literary nerd, KQED-obsessed, yoga class-hopping, iPhone poking, Oakland-lover. So take that, SF.

Psycho Love Songs