El Guapo's Guide to Surviving the Financial Crisis
By ElGuapo
updated 8 days ago
You're broke, I'm broke, we're all broke. Sure the ensuing global economic meltdown may leave you feeling a little depressed, but don't fret. Here are 14 easy steps to get you through these tough times without resorting to wearing one of those barrels with suspenders.
(1) Earn Extra Money Playing Bar Trivia
Do you like to get drunk and watch Jeopardy? If so, you might be able to make some extra coin hitting up the Chicago bar trivia circuit.
Remember, the trick to trivia is not necessarily being smart. Most of the time with pop trivia, you just have to have lived through the stuff. So find some old people and pal up with them.
(2) Start Buying Knock-offs of Your Favorite Brands
Head to the Maxwell Street Market on Sundays to pick up the best schlock Chicago has to offer: Designer Goochi sunglasses and Ralph Laurenzo polo shirts on sale this week!
Head to the Maxwell Street Market on Sundays to pick up the best schlock Chicago has to offer: Designer Goochi sunglasses and Ralph Laurenzo polo shirts on sale this week!
(3) Sell Your Stuff on Ebay
That “Fukudome is my Homie” T-shirt doesn’t seem nearly as cool now as it did back in April.
Put it on Ebay and cross your fingers.
(4) Don't Have Stuff To Sell? Give Blood
No you don’t get paid, but you do get a free cookie and bag of grape juice…Wait a second, this grape juice tastes gross.
(6) Mystery Shop Your Way To Financial Independence
Erase the credit card debt you amassed in college by…well…by using your credit card to buy more stuff. As a mystery shopper, you basically get paid to shop and then complain about the crappy service you received.
You can get all sorts of things for free like: steak knives, all-you-can eat shrimp dinners and kitty litter. Hooray!!
In these times you’re gonna have to tighten the old belt buckle a little bit, but that doesn’t mean you have to skimp on the fun.
Here are some money saving tips that will help you survive until the economy turns around.
Skip the Golden Tee. Are you the dude who plays Golden Tee at the bar? At a whopping $4.75 for 18 holes you might as well go play real golf. Instead head over to Galway Bay where you can play Lee Trevino’s Fighting Golf for free on their old school Nintendo. Sweet!
Play More Board Games. Instead of heading out to the bars next weekend, invite some friends over for some good old Monopoly. Be the top hat. It will make you feel like you’re an aristocrat even though your savings account says you’re the tattered shoe.
If you wanna mix bars and board games try Uncle Fatty’s in Lakeview. They have game night on Wednesday nights where you’ll find a pretty mean game of Taboo. Or try the Other Side on Clark Street where if you beat the bartender in Connect Four, you can get a free drink.
Cancel Your Gym Membership. You’re not going to the gym anyway, so why spend $50 a month on something you’re not using? Instead follow Chuck Norris’ lead and buy a Total Gym home exercise system for your house. Can be purchased for $21.95 on Craigslist.
Finally, if tightening your belt buckle isn’t cutting it, try selling it (see step 3). Metal prices are going up!
Buy vintage clothing at thrift shops and Good Will and then return the items to Nordstrom’s. They’ll take anything back, even if it’s from last season or last decade.
Is this ethical? Uh, probably not, but these are tough times, amigo.
This funky vintage shop has a good selection of crazy old clothes and millions of owl paintings throughout the store from local artists. Cool!
BTW, did you know that someone at work called you an owl?
This funky vintage shop has a good selection of crazy old clothes and millions of owl paintings throughout the store from local artists. Cool!
BTW, did you know that someone at work called you an owl?
(10) Become a McDonald's Dollar Menunaire
I recommend the poor-man’s combo meal at Micky D’s (double cheeseburger and chocolate sundae). For a mere $2 you can pack in a combined 810 trans-fatty-delicious calories to keep your little tummy full all day.
As an added bonus, the extra layer of blubber you’ll accumulate around your waistline will insulate you in the winter and help you keep the heating bills down in your apartment.
(11) Haggle Over Prices
Do you really need all twelve inches of that $5 foot long? Next time you go to Subway offer to buy 9 inches for $3.75. Use the remaining $1.25 to do laundry.
(12) Learn to Live Off the Land
The Dow Jones is at 8400 and there’s no end in sight to this free fall. The banks are about to foreclose your house. You’re probably thinking, “I’m in luck. I don’t own a house. They can’t foreclose my apartment, right?”
Well, technically no, but you never know what’s gonna happen in this crazy financial crisis. In case things get worse you should learn to live off the land.
What you’ll need: duct tape; Swiss Army knife; Man vs. Wild DVD collection; probably a beard
For more info, check out Who’s the BOSS? Outdoor Survivor School in Colorado where you can learn to survive in the wild from TV star and stage legend, Tony Danza.
(14) Recycle your Holiday Decorations
Get double use from those pumpkins you bought for Halloween!!
There are tons of bars around the city with trivia but I suggest Harrigan’s on Wednesday nights where the winning team can win up to $200 cash.
There’s also a physical challenge round, which may include tests of strength such as thumb wrestling, staring contests and darts.
Also, the bar awards free shots for best team name: last week pediatric gynecologists took the prize, and yes, the Jameson shots were delicious thank you.
There are tons of bars around the city with trivia but I suggest Harrigan’s on Wednesday nights where the winning team can win up to $200 cash.
There’s also a physical challenge round, which may include tests of strength such as thumb wrestling, staring contests and darts.
Also, the bar awards free shots for best team name: last week pediatric gynecologists took the prize, and yes, the Jameson shots were delicious thank you.
Who's got the new Pamas?
Trust me, no one will know the difference!!
Fukudome is my meal ticket
(5) Shop Victoriously!!
Many Bargains can be had on Ebay, so don’t just use it to sell your old crap to other people, buy their old crap too.
Steven G. a real estate agent from River North proudly holds up a pair of jeans he purchased for $3.95 on Ebay. Says Steven, “It’s better when you win it”.
Damn right, Steven. Way to go!!
Lee Trevino's Fighting Golf at Galway Bay
Play more board games
Be Like Chuck
Insert Recycled Chuck Norris Joke Here
(9) Buy Generic
Snap Crackle and Pip anyone?
Penny Pincher Alert!!:
Avoid the Rock and Roll McDonald’s. This Gigantic two-story tourist trap has 42 inch flat screen TVs but no dollar menu. WTF??
Carne de burro?
(13) Go Treasure Hunting in Chicago's O'Hare Airport
For useful tips on treasure hunting see the definitive guide, written by treasure hunter Steve Dooberstein here
Your map to the cheap eats, bars and shops in this guide
Brought to you by Guidespot.comCopyright 2008 - Local Matters Inc.
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