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El Guapo's Guide to FREE crap posted on Craigslist (Chicago)
- by elguapo
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- July 17, 2009
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- 9 discussions
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- 5 comments
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Have you ever gone on Craigslist and looked at the "free stuff" section? It's hilarious. You probably wondered to yourself, why the hell are these people trying to give this stuff away instead of just tossing it in the trash like normal human beings. Honestly, Mr. sale-887394691@craigslist.org (whoever you are) nobody wants four fake-leather seat covers from your 1993 Astro mini-van. Seriously, these people are nuts. I've decided to celebrate these wacky craiglist folk with El Guapo's guide to this week's best FREE crap on Craigslist. The guide consists of ACTUAL postings from Craigslist's "Free Stuff" + commentary from El Guapo + fake pictures from the Google. Hope you enjoy...
(1) Free Refrigerator!!!!!! (Broken) Lake Zurich (Lake Zurich)
Who the hell wants to lug away your two-hundred pound broken fridge?
You might as well advertise, “Free hernia!!!!!! (F*cking heavy).”
And what’s the deal with the excessive exclamation marks?
Are those supposed to make me even more excited about this value purchase than I already am?
Maybe I should try this subtle writing technique.
Do extra question marks make El Guapo extra SEXY??? Indeed they do…
(2) FREE Diabetic SHOES, Old Display Models, Never Worn, Pick Up Only (Chicago)
What are Diabetic SHOES and where can I get me a pair?
Actually I don’t get it. Are these shoes low in sugar? Personally, El Guapo prefers shoes made out of candy corns and marshmallows.
(3) Leather bound books (Cary, IL)
Please, please please tell me you’re also giving away the scent of rich mahogany.
Hardin Leather
Chicago, IL 60607
For all your other non-book related leather needs, head over to this place.
For all your other non-book related leather needs, head over to this place.
(4) FREE MARIO TRICOCI HAIRCUT (Glendale Heights,Lombard,Carol Stream)
Not sure why I’d want to get my hair styled like Mario Tricoci…
El Guapo will stick with his amigos at Mexico Barber Shop. Those dudes know how to handle the JewFro.
Mexico Barber Shop
1804 W Cermak Rd, Chicago, IL 60608
El Guapo Recommended!!
El Guapo Recommended!!
(5) Coleman 8 Person Spa Hot Tub - FREE - (Westchester)
Sorry folks, this one’s no longer on the market.
In other news James Brown Celebrity Hut Tub Party Tonight at El Guapo’s.
Great Lakes Hot Tub
15 W Hubbard St, Chicago, IL 60610
All the fun of Lake Michigan with only half the E. Coli.
All the fun of Lake Michigan with only half the E. Coli.
(6) Silk/Fake flowers, glass vases, baskets, stuffed animals and more FREE
Sounds like somebody’s grandma died (sad).
Throw in two bridge chairs, a bottle of aqua-net hair spray and some oversized grandma jewelry and you got yourself a deal.
Little Brothers Friends of the Elderly
355 N Ashland Ave, Chicago, IL 60607
In all seriousness, let me end this guide with some real advice.
There is NOTHING more important in the world to old people than seeing their grandkids.
El Guapo suggests becoming a little brother or sister to some old folks in your community. Even if you are not their real grandkids seeing you for two hours on a Sunday will make their entire week. Plus, you will probably get some delicious Worthor’s Originals out of the deal.
El Guapo says, “it’s a win-win.”
In all seriousness, let me end this guide with some real advice.
There is NOTHING more important in the world to old people than seeing their grandkids.
El Guapo suggests becoming a little brother or sister to some old folks in your community. Even if you are not their real grandkids seeing you for two hours on a Sunday will make their entire week. Plus, you will probably get some delicious Worthor’s Originals out of the deal.
El Guapo says, “it’s a win-win.”
(7) free magazines (foster ave at kedzie ave)
This lady was offering In Style and Time magazines dating back to 2004. Great, thanks lady. So now I can read about fashion trends that are no longer actually “in style” and news from four years ago that isn’t even close to “timely”.
(8) 10 Free Office Desks (LaGrange, IL)
Ten laid-off employees not included in deal.
Sounds like this financial crisis is starting to hit home. For tips on how to survive, El Guapo recommends that you read the definitive guide here
Map of stuff that isn't free on the list of craig
Best of Craiglist # 3
The third installment of Free Crap Posted on Craigslist
Smuggled-in Russian hookers not included in price of refrigerator.
Eat Your Oatmeal or Suffer the Consequences
Diabetic SHOES worn by Celebrity Oatmeal guy, Wilford Brimley, available on Ebay for $89.95
Golden Shoes
2541 W Cermak Rd, Chicago, IL 60608
When equities are down, diversify your investment portfolio by investing in gold shoes.
For golden shoes, and all other non-diabeetus related shoes come to this place.
When equities are down, diversify your investment portfolio by investing in gold shoes.
For golden shoes, and all other non-diabeetus related shoes come to this place.
I’m Ron Burgundy?
Mario Tricoci
Sexxxy!!
James Brown Celebrity Hot Tub Party
Raise your hands if you if you just peed in the hut tub!!
“The weight of this necklace is giving me osteoporosis”
Not So Modern Drummer
1269 W Westgate Ter, Chicago, IL 60607
For the person who picks up the crazy lady’s outdated news and style magazines, you might also be interested in back issues of this magazine.
For the person who picks up the crazy lady’s outdated news and style magazines, you might also be interested in back issues of this magazine.
Sorry Pedro, You've been replaced by a robot
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Great sh*t. Hehe. The only thing missing is the unicorn I am renting out on first come first serve basis. It’s white and has a nicely shaped mantle. It was the stand in for that amazing Tom Cruise movie, Legend. If interested contact El Guapo.
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Haha. Gracias Cornholio. Me thinks, you’re absolutely right about that golden egg that is the list of craig. As long as people continue to give away their used undergarments, seat covers and aluminum siding El Guapo will continue to mock them. You shall get your list of craig and you shall get it weekly!! BTW, if you must know, picture of Grandma found in men’s room at Halligan’s Bar and Grill, Chicago. Si “hi” to your grandma for me.
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El Guapo, this is hilarious! I hope this is a weekly posting – me thinks there’s no end to this rainbow of goodies on Craig’s List. I just hope you keep advertising the plethora of wonders that is the free section on the list of craig. Keep it up EG. —Corn. PS Where’d you get that picture of my Grandma?
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