Chicago Cab Drivers Suck!

Not Up To The Standard

In my opinion, I’d much rather be in a taxi with ANY of these guys than the ones in Chicago. First of all, Tony Danza is much better looking than any cab driver I’ve EVER met here. I’d let him take me ’round the block a few times, if ya know what I mean.

IF You Are Not Convenient For Them...

Let’s say you need to go to O’Hare to catch a flight, and the cab pulls up and you tell him your destination. If he doesn’t need to go out there to get coffee or just doesn’t feel like it that day, he may not take you there. Yeah, um that’s happened to me.

Remember, it’s not you… it’s them. Just wait for another. Maybe the next one will feel inclined to do his job.

Do They Take Credit Cards?

YES! By law they are required to take cards, even though they claim it’s a pain in their asses. Apparently, it costs them more to run cards and it takes an extra 2-3 minutes to do this.

If they refuse your card, begin to leave the vehicle and they will take it right away. Works every time. Just don’t let them take you to an ATM, they charge for that as well.

Makes The CTA Look Like A Joy Ride

Compared to the hassle of these drivers, the CTA seems like a better option. Except it will take an hour more to get to your destination. Just leave yourself plenty of time to get there.

SLOW DOWN!

Driving at 75 mph, on Halsted the other night, I thought we were going to hit pedestrians, bikers, other cars, or buses. I asked the cab driver to slow down, but he refused and would speed up, hit the breaks, and repeat this the entire ride!

Luckily, I did not vomit and no one was killed.

Request The Corner...

For some reason, they want to drop us off at in the middle of the street. For our safety, request to be dropped off at the corner so you and your cab driver do not get slammed in the rear.

Take Deep Breaths

Remember, you are in control of any situation that arises. Just take deep breaths and then suggest that your driver take some too. Taking them together is suggested.

Speak Their Language

Give them the most direct route you can think of to get you to your destination. Seriously, they will take the longest route they can think of to jack up the cost.

They Demand You Take A Ride

Even if you don’t need a ride, you will be consistently honked at, just in case you change your mind. It could be that or they think you are incredibly cute. I don’t know if that is a compliment or just plain disgusting.

Get Out Of Their Way!

Before I cross the street, I am sure to look both ways. However, every time I cross, a cab appears from the shadows of the city, approaching my vulnerable body.

It is as if they are out to score points for every person they hit along the way. Better move it, or you are sure to be worth more than 50 points.

Something Always More Important

Ok, I can understand a coffee break being essential, but talking on the phone for the entire cab ride? How about paying attention to the road? Who are they talking to?

Of course, we can’t understand them, so they are probably talking about how much they’d rather be somewhere else. Fine. I wouldn’t blame them, but please, not while I’m in the car.

Just Hold Your Nose

It is hard to say what cab drivers are eating, but it never smells pleasant. I think they pick the smelliest meal at the closest Chinese or Indian restaurant, just for the customer’s pure disgust.

Well, if you can stomach the smell without vomiting, again, props to you!