Why Chelsea SHOULDN'T have a boyfriend

TACT ISN'T HER STRONG POINT

Clearly.

She will EAT more than ANY man

Now, this could be really attractive and awesome to a man, or really terrifying and emasculating. Especially since this slice of pizza pictured above was really just A SLICE, one of MANY that Chelsea is capable of consuming. This was just the beginning my friends. She also finds it incredibly irritating and unattractive is a man doesn’t eat a lot, or have “man” APPETITE. If he’s ordering salads and grabs his stomach while muttering something like, “woa…that was SO filling.” That’s a major strike out.

She likes to DRAW ATTENTION

in public places, at inappropriate moments.

She has a SERIOUS temper

When I say that I’ve been “this close” to killing a person, that is seriously not a lie. Also something you shouldnt openly admit. The thing about it is; CHELSEA ENJOYS FIGHTING. It’s fun to argue, and to win. Her fuse is short and it certainly isn’t a long drive to make her absolutely insane.

She's TERRIFIED of commitment

Commitment??? This is a word foreign to her. In all respects. Committing to a lunch date? Probably not. Committing to see your Sister’s dance recital? Absolutely no way. Committing to staying faithful?? Could be TRICKY. Commit? Rhymes with VOMIT.

She's obsessd with being FAMOUS and frankly, that's annoying

If you’re dating her, you’re dating a showboat. An entire full cast of SHOWBOATYNESS. She plays dress up and thinks that “getting discovered” could happen at any moment, so the amount of times she touches up her lipgloss is absurd. On a positive note, when she gets drunk she may do her best immitation of Britney Spears for you and it is uncanny. Britney in the good days of course.

She's sort of a LUSH

Two bottles down…..who knows how many more to go. You better be fully stocked, this chick ain’t a cheap date.

OOPS?!

Speaking of judgment, a guy with a headband?? REALLY???

When I was skimming the bar, did I really stop and think “Hm, that DUDE with the headband, very similar to the one I wear while working out-he is sexy.” I’d like to blame this on the Guinness in my had.

She's posing- SHE DOESN'T LOVE DOGS

Guys are “dog people.” Chelsea, is not. They take too much energy….they want to play all the time and be pet, they need to be walked and groomed, they suck way more than babies, because at least babies learn how to talk at some point. Dog’s are just annoying…..men find this really, really, saddening. Even deal breaking for some.

Her Dad thinks he's The Godfather

Just an average evening, smoking a cigar INSIDE the house…too bad you can’t see the rifle and the glass of red wine he’s holding in his other hands.

She'll make you wear matching outfits

It doesn’t get much cuter than matching flannel does it???

She already HAS a gay boyfriend

Every girl needs one, their gay counterpart. The one who they can kiss on the lips and gush over in public, talk about clothes and tell each other how fabulous they are. It’s super threatening to the males.

AND....she'll kick your a** in poker.

END OF STORY.