This taco shack gives new meaning to the term, “other side of the tracks” as it is literally placed square upon Figueroa where the Orange Line intersects the surface streets. It could be the heavily tattooed pachuco that always accosts me for money in front of the restaurant. Maybe it’s the noxious fumes that emanate from the trains every 12 minutes. Or perhaps it is the grill which looks like it hasn’t been cleaned since Tom Bradley’s mayoral tenure. But the ambience, environment and of course the prices makes this one of my favorite cheap eats joint in the neighborhood. Tacos al pastor is a good, good thing.

I’m not a religious person by nature. However, I have a sinking feeling that if you could take all the souls of the unbaptised infants of the world and solidified it into culinary form, the result would be Golden Deli’s Egg Roll. They are perfectly crispy on the outside with tons of pork and vermicelli noodles on the inside, and are served with a plate of lettuce leaves and a bowl of fish sauce. This is not to say that their other dishes are any less spectacular as I’ve tried over a hundred of their menu items and have never been disappointed. And with the highest priced item coming in at $6.75 on the menu, this only leads me to further admire the Vietnamese people for their expertise at providing cheap, delicious food as well as their penchant for kicking out colonial oppressors from their motherland.

Described by some as “the most sensual of all the salt-cured meats” the Hat has been serving pastrami at their Alhambra location for over four decades. Still, the true show stopper here is their chili fries. Armed with 6 oz. scoops and a reckless disregard for diners arterial health, the employees of the Hat drench french fries straight out of the fryer with twelve ounces of chili, then add two handfuls of shredded cheese and serve it to eager customers piping hot. I’ve seen some who’ve taken it to the next level by requesting pastrami, pickles and diced tomatoes on their chili cheese fries. Still, considering that one order of this monstrosity probably contains the daily caloric value of a Bhutanese family of four, I usually stick to the “low calorie” option. Plus, with a sticker price of $9.50 with all of the extra fixings, I hardly think that that qualifies as a “cheap eat”. Peasants…

I remember during my formative years Lucky Boy Drive-In had a banner on their roof that stated, “Our burgers are bigger. Not smaller.” Quite a matter of fact way to approach advertising, I assume, but still… Lucky Boy is not to be impugned! You’re going to find the regular fare that you see at most Greek owned burger shops, but you must try the “World Famous Breakfast Burrito” at least once. Is there anything as harmonious as eggs, bacon, cheese and hash browns stuffed into a flour tortilla, which I’m almost certain is pretreated with animal shortening to give it its signature crispiness? I consider myself a friend to the environment, but I feel amazingly guilt-free thinking about how many organisms died for me to enjoy my delicious burrito.

One large pepperoni pizza + one eggplant parmagiana entree + one towering liter of Chianti wine = $18. Including tip! And the food is surprisingly passable as well. Orders came out slightly wrong, and the server spoke almost no English. In fact, I was forced to resort to a halting mix of universal sign language and Spanglish patois to get my point across. Still, it’s nice to know that an Asian couple can get Italian food, made by Latinos for third world prices. America, ain’t it grand?

Sometimes you experience something so groin-grabbingly delicious, that you have to go online and make wild and outlandish claims about it. After sampling The Oinkster’s bevvy of items, this is one of those rare times where such an occasion is not only warranted, it is necessary. Everything here is amazing! The pastrami is excellent and they claim to cure it for two weeks. The pulled pork sandwich is perfect: slightly crispy and chewy with a great North Carolina BBQ sauce on top and sweet and tangy coleslaw to make the bun slightly soggy. And a pitcher of Stella Artois to wash it down all for under $20? Sign up for their newsletter and they send out 50% off coupons with alarming frequency.

The inexpensive hot dogs, pizza and churros are about the only reason I regularly brave this Costco in Alhambra. That and my miserly approach to thrifty dining. I’ve noticed that Costcos are extremely representative of the area’s demographic population and the Alhambra location with its multitude of Chinese shoppers is no different. I can see my Chinese girlfriend frowning mightily as she reads this, but her people need to realize that they left economics of scarcity back in the old country. It’s like they firmly believe if they don’t fight and claw their way to the window to yell out their order, the food will disappear like dust in the wind. Still $1.62 for a hot dog and a coke is a fine deal, even if I have to interact with the sprawling mass of the PRC.

Author’s note: As shown above I am Asian, please no hate mail.