Pose Nude with Puppies

I don’t know The Hoff’s parents personally, nor do I care to….they raised The Hoff. I’m just imagining their Thanksgiving dinner when The Hoff very proudly and loudly pulled out the pictures from his photo shoot. “But MA, I love Sharpe’s.” I imagine the conversation went something like this and then she spewed back, “But DAVID, it isn’t the SHARPE’S that are the problem…….” she didn’t say it but she wanted to say, “it’s the fact that they’re laying right on top of your JUNK.”

All I’m saying is posing nude will usually set them off. Unless they’re all granola and nudist and “cool.” OR “Supportive.” I asked my parents the other day if they’d mind if I posed in Playboy….they actually said no they wouldn’t, it was “my choice.” Which also answered another question; do my parents love me? The answer is, no.

Be Tori Spelling

Enough said, imagine how Aaron felt.

HOW PARENTS EMBARRASS US

Remember when you’d have a friend over and all the two of you wanted to do was each junk food and play video games? Oh yeah, and remember when your Mom served you both rice cakes and celery for a snack???? Yeah, no wonder you didn’t have any friends growing up. Parents embarrassed us by making us eat healthy at the most inconvenient times. “No Pizza Chelsea, we brought you four slices of turkey and some HAY.”

HOW THEY EMBARRASS US

They bust out the baby photos. Or the prom photos. Or any photos where you are donning braces and a bad haircut. Naturally they’ll coo over you as if you were a newborn and expect others to do the same, while the victims are slowly falling out of love with you.

Reveal How Skany you are on MYSPACE

Yes, that IS Miley Cyrus. I had to. The best way to do this is by sending a mass email to family, friends, folks, distant relatives with a nice link to your new “webpage” OR you could let them stumble upon it “accidentally” and this is where they will see; that you still hold reigning title of Beer Pong Queen, you have an inordinate amount of pictures wearing only your box shorts and you are quite proud of your behind (thank you MA), you are dating not just ONE but two men with their tongues pierced and profile songs by Kid Rock.

Make a Sex Tape

I would have paid to watch the tape of Paris Hilton telling her parents that she MADE a sex tape and that it had been leaked. The reactions on their faces would have been priceless. Something tells me that Kathy Hilton wasn’t too thrilled in her pearls and matching skirt suit that Paris was even sexually active….especially with such sleeze balls. I’d like to add that this could be added into the category, “How to Embarrass Yourself”

HOW PARENTS EMBARRASS US

We had to grow up with them sticking their tongues down each other’s throats in inappropriate places (or even in our own homes) for years….so if I want to bring a guy home with me and make out with him, HARDCORE, in our kitchen….I may just do that.

Flash the "coot"

…Or the “family jewels” whatever you have going on will do. Yes they want you to celebrate your body and they love they way you were “made” but they don’t want to see WHAT THEY MADE or WHAT’S MAKING IT….you know what I mean? It’s especially inappropriate if you decide to go commando at a family picnic and then everyone decides to play frisbee. Then you sit down to enjoy you Aunts homemade tamales and BAM, you’ve embarrassed not only the people that put you on this Earth, but also all of your relative. Double whammy.

Point out their BAD BREATH in public

This is most effective when you point out; what they ate, how offended you are by the smell, make a loud noise when you acknowledge the horrifying smell followed by a face to match. As you tell them that their breath is offending the air you breathe you’ll need to cover your nose and mouth until they do something to take care of it. Gum, cover it up with coffee, ANYTHING, it is that awful. If you can pull this one out when you’re around anyone from their work, they’ll crawl home with their tails between their legs.

Get wildly drunk at their Anniversary dinner

Remember when Momma had one too many at your wedding? Ok well now it’s your turn. Somewhere between the dinner table and the open bar you’ll need to express your disgust for you “horrible Aunt Millie” then you’ll accidentally slip and mention your teenage cousins unannounced and unplanned pregnancy, THEN, you’ll need to walk down memory lane and let everyone know about “that one time you walked in on Mom and Dad, making your little Brother!!!!”