Breaking up is Hard to Do.

When writing a Dear John, please have the decency to use a piece of real stationary and not a ripped piece of notebook paper, an old napkin, your new girlfriends bra or toilet paper from a bar. The Perfect Petal has plenty of nice stationary for your use in this cowardly, yet effective, form of breaking up.

sometimes they don’t get the hint. What’s the deal? What will it take? It’s gonna take the ‘ole switcheroonee. Call up the phone company and get your number changed and set to private. Don’t tell anyone but family.

It’s a rare breed who can actually break up with someone during or after a date. So maybe you had your romp in the bed and it’s time to end the night….and relationship. How about a game of scrabble, honey? Spell it out so there are no questions. When she looks at you with those doe eyes and gets teary, kiss her head and give her a little smack on the butt on her way out. Game over. Target has all your gaming needs, from Scrabble to Candyland. But Candyland is for happier times.

So you fancy yourself a business man, do ‘ya? So do what you do best and send a memo to your sweetie and tell her you just don’t have time right now with your career in high gear. It’s ok, we get it, you’re just not that into us.

Selling all the latest phones and gadgets you need to call your lover or leave ‘em. If you have to text, you should use your phone to call a therapist afterward. This is just plain rude. If you have no feelings whatsoever and you want this dope to quit buggin ya, text ’em. Who’d want to date you after that?

I don’t think the break up has to be a lose-lose situation. If you have to kick him to the curb, you might as well get a new pair of boots out of it. Be nice and skip the pointy toe version. That’s just a pain in the ass (pun intended).

Have a little compassion and put all their stuff into a POD, a storage facility on wheels, and make their move out easier. Throwing everything out the window is so 3 years ago.

WIth service 24 hours a day, you can easily change the locks and forget you ever knew, um, what’s his face. Seriously, some of us have had the boyfriend – turned- stalker and this could have come in quite handy had we known they would be hiding in the closet. Can you say psycho?