The Reluctant Attendee's Guide to Surviving an Excruciatingly Long Meeting
by mswen - November 15, 2008
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Excuse me if I look like I've just returned home from a tour in Iraq, but I've been trapped inside a conference room for the past three days. That's right: from 8:30 a.m. until 5:30 p.m. each day, I had to sit still, follow a spiral-bound presentation (which was also projected onto a screen), and was given two 15-minute breaks and an hour for lunch. Technically, it wasn't a meeting -- these past 22 and a half hours were actually job-related training* -- but during my incarceration, I sort of started hallucinating. And the result is the content included in this guide. *Please help me get out of corporate life and instead freelance for a living. I'm begging you.
Disclaimer:
When the economy is in the tank, it often means that companies will have layoffs. So it’s probably a really good idea right now to pay attention and participate during any meeting you’re in.
Provisions
Can you believe that my company no longer provides water bubblers in the common areas for their employees? (And if they did, they no longer provide cups.) It’s true. Spending cutbacks on perks (apparently staying hydrated is a “perk”) have left us with nothing but weird coffee and vending machines full of mini bags of junk food and $3.00 bottles of water.
So, for me, extended meetings require me to bring more than just a pen and paper. Three eight-hour days required me to basically go grocery shopping to prepare for being stuck in a room with minimal breaks.
As with anything in an office environment, your co-workers will want what you have. So either anticipate this and a) sit in the back of the room, out of sight; b) bring extras, or c) be prepared to endure scowls and snide remarks like, “Can’t bring enough for everyone?”
Discretion is key when eating during meetings. Depending on the length and type of meeting it is, you may not be able to eat at all; but if it’s doable, choose snacks that are quiet, unobtrusive, and not messy. Here are some to consider:
- Hand-held snacks like nuts, candy, dried fruit
- Gum (some studies show that gum chewing increases concentration and decreases boredom!)
- Protein or granola bars
Dunkin Donuts
10 Beacon St, Boston, MA 02108
I’m not a Starbucks kind of girl — it’s D&D for me, and an extra large French Vanilla with a dash of cream and a ton of Splenda makes almost any meeting bearable.
I’m not a Starbucks kind of girl — it’s D&D for me, and an extra large French Vanilla with a dash of cream and a ton of Splenda makes almost any meeting bearable.
Cvs
100 Cambridgeside Pl, Cambridge, MA 02141
Sometimes when I know I have an afternoon meeting, I’ll sneak out to CVS during my lunch hour and hit their candy aisle for a bag of watermelon sours. Just knowing I’ll get to snack on them later in the day makes me kinda-sorta-okay-maybe-not-really look forward to an otherwise painful meeting.
Sometimes when I know I have an afternoon meeting, I’ll sneak out to CVS during my lunch hour and hit their candy aisle for a bag of watermelon sours. Just knowing I’ll get to snack on them later in the day makes me kinda-sorta-okay-maybe-not-really look forward to an otherwise painful meeting.
Whole Foods Market
15 Washington St, Brighton, MA 02135
I love the bulk foods aisle at Whole Foods: tamari almonds, chocoloate-covered pretzels, trail mix with white chocolate chips…there are virtually endless tasty snacks to choose from and smuggle into a meeting. Feeling sneaky? Use the little brown bags (instead of the clear plastic ones) for your stash and hide what you’re eating from everyone else.
I love the bulk foods aisle at Whole Foods: tamari almonds, chocoloate-covered pretzels, trail mix with white chocolate chips…there are virtually endless tasty snacks to choose from and smuggle into a meeting. Feeling sneaky? Use the little brown bags (instead of the clear plastic ones) for your stash and hide what you’re eating from everyone else.
...With that being said,
companies are notorious for excessive meetings. And, often, you’re probably invited to ones that you have nothing to do with. Or ones that really don’t need to be held in the first place. Here’s how to handle them.
Distractions
Most people would rather be doing anything other than sitting in a room with their co-workers listening to a terrible PowerPoint presentation. And unless you’re the person giving the presentation, in many cases it is actually possible to do something else while still being discreet and appearing engaged.
How? Well, let’s learn from a co-worker of mine (who shall remain nameless) whom I consider to be the Master at this: every week, just before our excruciating two-hour Tuesday revenue meeting, you’d find him at the printer, retrieving sports articles he’d printed from Boston.com. He’d tuck the pages inside one of those black faux-leather folders, sit back in his chair during the meeting, and appear to be intently reviewing the numbers when in reality he was reading about how Manny Ramirez wanted out of the Red Sox.
My distraction of choice is the list. I’ve made Christmas lists, grocery lists, to-do lists, and even written rough drafts of Guides. But be careful — because there’s a fine line between looking like you’re taking meeting notes and, well, making a list of what clothes you need to buy to round out your winter wardrobe.
If there’s absolutely no room for list-making or reading or zoning out, instead of wallowing in the misery of it all, the only choice is to fake it. Like, REALLY fake it: pay attention to every single word, immerse yourself with every line on the presentation, and make excruciatingly detailed notes. Not only will the meeting fly by, but you’ll earn major brownie points for appearing so on the ball.
Staples
899 Boylston St, Boston, MA 02115
I get excited over pens. Ones that glide smoothly over the paper; ones that have just the right line width and ink color and dispersion (yes, I’m a lunatic). And this means that the cheap ball point pens stocked inside my work’s office supply closet just don’t cut it for me. So, off to Staples I go to buy my own. Because even though I’m paying for them out of my own pocket, if I’ve got to take notes (or make a list) during a meeting, having the perfect pen makes all the difference.
I get excited over pens. Ones that glide smoothly over the paper; ones that have just the right line width and ink color and dispersion (yes, I’m a lunatic). And this means that the cheap ball point pens stocked inside my work’s office supply closet just don’t cut it for me. So, off to Staples I go to buy my own. Because even though I’m paying for them out of my own pocket, if I’ve got to take notes (or make a list) during a meeting, having the perfect pen makes all the difference.
...to the other.
Oh God. I really don’t see how this would be much better. Did I just see glow sticks?
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GREAT guide. I would only add: sit by the door! You never know when that chance to escape unnoticed might present itself. And: Upon taking a job, I am also known to share loudly with my coworkers/boss about my abnormally small bladder (it’s a medical condition, you know). Frequent bathroom breaks to go make fun of the speaker in the mirror are then forever accepted.
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