Bitter with baggage seeks same: a guide for San Francisco's lonely hearts

Madrone is a low key bar in NOPA that has a swanky, loungey vibe. Once a month, it features a Prince versus Michael Jackson party that is the best excuse to make a drunk mess of yourself because you can get a Prince or MJ mask at the door to conveniently hide your alcohol flush. During the week, Madrone is chill and a cute neighborhood place that just happens to attract people from all over SF. They make a mean gin gimlet and the DJ booth is always hopping.

Where art, music, dancing, and happy hour collide. 111 Minna is the place to get laid after getting paid – happy hour! People come here after a hard day in the financial district and are absolutely shitfaced by 8PM. The drinks are really yummy too. Try an apple martini. They are so strong, 3 will put you under the table. On the weekends, Minna functions as a club, often hosting bands and DJs to get you on your feet.

This is THE cafe to go pick up either a freelance journalist or a tech millionaire. The New York Times recently published an article about Ritual Roasters and how it was the stomping ground for the young tech richies of San Francisco. But beyond that, it is also THE cafe with the cutest barristas. Hellloooooo ironic mustache boy. Hellooooooo cute tattoo girl. Ritual is always busy no matter what time of day it is, and makes the best soy cappucino I have ever tasted in my life.

This cafe makes insanely good sandwiches (lots of veggie options too) and has outdoor seating and a huge magazine rack. You can come here, order a sammie and an iced tea, and read Vogue to your hearts content. It’s in the heart of the Mission and, like Ritual, is busy no matter what time of day. Brunch is probably not the best time to come here (all those couples, ick) but come on a random Tuesday afternoon and see if anyone makes you feel warm inside. It’s guaranteed.

Vessel is a hot new club in SF that panders to literally everyone. They have hip hop nights, they have rock out nights, and on Wednesdays, they have hipster electro nights with SF DJs Sleazemore and Rchrd Oh. The club scene in SF has never been a strong point, but Vessel is a great place. Not too big, not too small, great space, great music, and strong strooooong drinks. Go there and get your groove back.

The only reason anyone would pay $20 to get into the end up after hours is to get laid, but hey – I’m not judging – $20 isn’t all that much for some tender loving care. San Francisco literally shuts down at 2AM but not all of us are doing partying by then. That’s where afterhours clubs like the Endup come in. They are the warm inviting embrace into which you run after being kicked out of all the other bars at last call. At the Endup, you can dance until the sun comes up.

Bi-Rite is the cutest little grocery store I’ve ever stepped foot inside, nestled right on 18th and Dolores, on Dolores Park. They have the most amazing selection of gourmet meat I’ve ever seen. Too bad I don’t eat meat, but I actually feel tempted to try the prosciutto everytime I come here. Luckily they have lots of a la carte vegetarian items you can try, and they make lots of great stuff in-house, like yummy dips, dressings (the pesto is amazing) and salads. This is one of those wine and cheese heavy places. If I had to break Bi-Rite up into 5 sections on a piechart, I’d say 1) cheese 2) wine 3) organic produce 4) gourmet deli 5) chocolate + everything else. So so cute. The people who work here are cute too. Everything is cute! Too cute!

HUGE vegetarian co-op. I like this place because they sell things in bulk, they’re slightly less expensive than the other health food/co-ops in the area, and because I can get all my hippie dippie organic beauty products here like Jason facewash and Home Health astringent. It’s always really packed with good-looking young people who believe in local food and saving the earth, which is a plus.