.jpg "Guide for the Many, the Brave, the Uninsured in New York City")
.jpg "Where The Hell Is Spring?!!")
.jpg "Kiss Your Muffin Top Goodbye!")
.jpg "Why I'm a Goddess and how you can be too!")
.jpg "improbable")
.jpg "I Can't Believe I Wanted That! (The Fad Toys of My Childhood)")
.jpg "World's Worst Spandex Disasters: Your Guide to the Do's and Don'ts (Mostly Don'ts) of Spandex")
.jpg "Butts I Find Humorous Or At Least Worthy Of Comment")
.jpg "Ray Schon State Farm Insurance")
.jpg "Dan Tyler State Farm Insurance")
.jpg "Susan Terhune State Farm Insurance")
.jpg "Ben Parsons State Farm Insurance")
.jpg "Awkward Family Portraits will make you say \"WTF?\"")
.jpg "Love is funny: Awesomely BAD engagement photos")
.jpg "Failbook")
.jpg "The Super Sexy 70's Ads")
SPONSORED LISTINGS
Seattle's Guide to Being a Yuppie Bicycle Commuter
- by improbable
- -
- October 29, 2008
(2)
- 1 discussion
- |
- 1 comment
- -
- expand all
.jpg)
Tired of being overweight and out of shape? Want to pretend you're exercising so you can hold it over your friends' heads and gloat? Now you can! Hope on your bike and feel like a badass as you ever-so-slowly pedal yourself to work. Suggested activities to complement your bike ride include: talking on your cell phone, drinking your morning latte, or programming a new playlist into your iPod.
Stop eating those Powerbars, you're not fooling anyone.
Put the Gatorade away, too. I’m pretty sure you’re not an endurance athlete. Judging from the quantity of french fries you just consumed, your body’s got plenty of electrolytes already. And the energy gels are just pathetic, don’t give me that “I just like the taste” story, I know they taste like ass.
Speedy Reedy Trithlon
1100 N Northlake Way, Seattle, WA 98103
Be warned, actual athletes shop here. There are enough varieties of energy gels that you could go a month without solid food and never repeat a flavor.
Be warned, actual athletes shop here. There are enough varieties of energy gels that you could go a month without solid food and never repeat a flavor.
Oh, recumbent bicycle commuter man, you are truly a modern hero.
How to blend into Seattle's tech scene
The recumbent bicycle commuting is a good start, but you’ve got a long way to go, grasshopper.
Pending Darwin Award winner
Thank you for your efforts to remove yourself from the gene pool. The rest of us do appreciate it.
Cascade Bicycle Club
7400 Sand Point Way Ne, Seattle, WA 98115
The largest bicycle club in the United States, Cascade Bicycle Club serves over 10,000 members. They are all better than you.
The largest bicycle club in the United States, Cascade Bicycle Club serves over 10,000 members. They are all better than you.
I hate you because you have the bike I want
The last time I was at a bike shop, a man with a bike that cost more than my car came in and asked them to change his tire. Seriously, if you’re going to buy a bike that makes me drool when I look at it, at learn how to use it. Not knowing how to change your bike’s tire is like not knowing how to fill your car with gas.
Home of the Seattle Streetcar, better known as the South Lake Union Trolley (SLUT). Why don’t you go play on the train tracks?
Home of the Seattle Streetcar, better known as the South Lake Union Trolley (SLUT). Why don’t you go play on the train tracks?
Reduce your wind resistance by wearing nothing but spandex.
Rei-Recreational Equipment Inc
Seattle 222 Yale Ave, Seattle, WA 98101
The one stop shop for all your gear needs. Because you never know when you might decide to climb Mount Ranier and then kayak down the other side. Better buy some extra spandex, just in case.
The one stop shop for all your gear needs. Because you never know when you might decide to climb Mount Ranier and then kayak down the other side. Better buy some extra spandex, just in case.
Cordarounds Dress Pants Hide Blindingly Bright Bike Reflectors
For just $100, you can now buy reflectors pre-built into your dress pants.
Buy your Reflective Bicycle Legbands
Or you can go the budget route. Shown with Waterproof Breathable Rain Pants
Get yourself a fancy messenger bag. Let it be reminiscent of the utilitarian bags bike messengers use for their daily brushes with death, but be sure its value is purely aesthetic and that it would be ruined if you ever took it out in the rain.
Burke Gilman Trail
8498 Seaview Pl NW Seattle, WA 98117
The best bike path in Seattle, the Burke Gilman Trail is almost 30 miles long and runs from Seattle’s Golden Gardens to Marymoor Park in Redmond. Head over there to play on the velodrome – just watch out for the clueless pedestrians, rollerbladers, dogwalkers, and scooter riders on the way.
If you don't do it in the rain, it's a joyride not a commute
Being willing to bike to work during our three months of summer sunshine doesn’t make you hardcore. It makes you normal. Thank you for getting your pasty white ass out in the sunshine for once. Now suck it up and learn to deal with the rain. And get rid of that umbrella, this is Seattle!
Does this really work?
A real bike messenger
Why don’t you get back on your tricycle and pedal after the ice cream truck? This is what a real man’s commute looks like.
Swedish Medical Center
1221 Madison St, Seattle, WA 98104
Because you and I both know it’s only a matter of time.
Because you and I both know it’s only a matter of time.
That carbon fiber water bottle cage isn’t going to get you to work any faster. If you really want to save 3 ounces, maybe you shouldn’t have eaten that second slice of cheesecake for breakfast.
Recycled Cycles
1007 Ne Boat St, Seattle, WA 98105
The best used bike store in Seattle. You and I both know you don’t need a carbon fiber frame.
The best used bike store in Seattle. You and I both know you don’t need a carbon fiber frame.
Don't bother steering, I'd hate for you to have to interrupt your coffee
Hey bicycle commuter girl drinking from your Starbucks coffee cup as you weaved precariously in front of me down Queen Anne hill. Buy your damn coffee when you get to work and put both hands on your handlebars. Water bottle cages are for water bottles, not grande Starbucks pumpkin spice mochalattechinos.
At least she’s not talking on her cell phone.
Starbucks Coffee
1912 Pike Place Market, Seattle, WA 98101
If you’re going to sell your soul to the man, it may as well be at the store where everything started.
If you’re going to sell your soul to the man, it may as well be at the store where everything started.
Maybe you have a Bluetooth earpiece in but I have the distinct impression that you are actually just crazy
I appreciate the fact that you have taken the novel approach of leaving both hands on your handlebars, but will you quit talking to the air? There’s no one there and it’s freaking me out.
When I wear my biking jersey to the coffee shop, people think I’m an athlete.
Group Health Velodrome
6046 West Lake Sammamish Parkway Northeast Redmond, Wa 98052
Embrace your need for speed at Washington state’s only velodrome. (A velodrome is a sloped oval track for bikers, for all you uneducated simpletons out there.)
Thank you for drafting off of me, I am sure you possess adequate skills to do so without endangering either of our lives
Are you a mindreader? How else would you know that I passed your sorry, slow ass because I wanted you to suddenly pick up the pace and tuck in behind me while I do all the work. The graceway way you swerved and wobbled as I passed you filled me with confidence and there is certainly no need for you to introduce yourself or even offer to lead for a little while. I suspect your sexual partner has never had an orgasm, at least not at your hands. Why don’t you pull up a little bit closer; I had chili for lunch.
Seattle's best overpriced baked goods
Why don’t you shove another Trophy Cupcake down your piehole and fill out your spandex a bit more?
Worst places to break up in Seattle
How about a bike tour of terrible break up locations? I hope you see them all.
- |
- |
- |
- |
- share this
.jpg "ElGuapo")
-
This guide is excellent!
Add Our Widget To Your Site
.jpg)
Discussions