Guide to being a Gold Digger

Where to find fat wallets

First and foremost, you are looking for a guy with dollars, not a guy with a personality. Please do not get the two confused. Second, if a rich guy is hot then he is most likely not available so you can go ahead and rule out looks too.

Look for a man that is showy about his moolah. They are the best targets.

Orange County

As one of the wealthiest counties in the country, Orange County is the perfect place to score a man to use and abuse. And have no shame, it happens all the time. Remember Julie Cooper from the Fox hit TV series, The OC? She divorced her husband when he went broke, and married the richest man in town. Okay, I realize that she was a fictional character, but watch one episode of The Real Housewive of Orange County and you will see real-life Julie Coopers flamboyantly publicizing their gold digger ways.

Other Guides...

The older the better

If they are rich AND old, then it is much more likely that they will die within a reasonable amount of time and you won’t have to go through a messy divorce. Just make sure he changes his will immediately after you’re married. You wouldn’t want any of his money to go to his kids, right? They are spoiled brats anyway.

Oh, and pose for Playboy first... it helps

Yes, I’m talking about Anna Nicole Smith. She was Playmate of the Year in 1993, divorced her first husband, and married billionaire J. Howard Marshall the very next year. He was 89 at the time. But I don’t think she married him for his money… I think she really liked him. After all, she was clearly devastated when he died a year later. Inheriting his fortune just helped her get over the tragedy a little bit faster.

Other famous gold diggers you can get pointers from:

• Heather Mills – Married Paul McCartney in 2002, separated four years later, and divorced two years after that 24.3 pounds richer. (approximately 50 million dollars)
• Rachel Hunter – Made an estimated $66 million from marrying and divorcing Rod Stuart. (She even signed a pre-nup.) Oh, and she also posed for Playboy.
• Kevin Federline – Who said gold diggers have to be female? He left his girlfriend and two young children to date Britney Spears, whom he married 3 months later. He may not have been out for gold, but he was definately craving some media spotlight.

Once he falls in love/lust with you...

1. Spend, spend, spend! (His money, of course.) As long as you’re not married, consider everything you buy as a “gift.”
2. Get engaged as soon as possible.
3. Do NOT sign a pre-nup. If he tries to make you, seduce him so he forgets about it. Or drug him. Drastic times call for drastic measures.
4. Have a huge, amazing, EXPENSIVE wedding. Try to fool everyone into thinking that you’re really in love. Or elope. (Quick and less painful, like ripping off a bandaid.)
5. Go on a fabulously luxurious honeymoon. When your man is not looking, flirt with every cute rich guy you see. It is never too early to scout out back-ups.