Are You A Klutz?

Klutz Since Childhood

My knees and elbows are covered with old scars from childhood. Ever since I can remember, I have always been a klutz. I have never fought against gravity very well, and always seem to give in to it.

I Break Things

Everyday something made of glass is broken at my apartment. I could be washing a glass and suddenly, CRASH, it’s broken. Even if a glass is sitting still on a table, somehow my hand is pulled magnetically towards the glass and I knock it over.

This phenomena has rubbed off on others, including my boyfriend. Who now breaks a glass as well everyday.

We are now down to 2 wine glasses and 2 water glasses.

I Bump My Head

I don’t know how it happens, but objects and walls move on their own, towards my head. Yes, they get in MY way! You would think I was a boxer, with all of the bruises and bumps I accumulate on my head.

I don't learn my lesson

I’m a klutz by nature, but it doesn’t help my situation when I refuse to make changes that would help me be LESS klutzy. Take these J.Crew flip flops, for example.

These flip flops are totally durable (I’ve had them for a couple of years now) and comfortable. But there is absolutely no traction on the bottom. Put them in contact with a wet surface and the wearer (i.e., ME) might as well be wearing them on an ice rink.

Once, when I was walking out of the grocery store with a bag of food and a big bottle of wine, one of these flips came into contact with a wet granite curb and I fell. And in what seemed like 20 minutes, I had a lot to think about: “Ohmygod, the wine. This is so embarrassing. This is really gonna hurt, isn’t it. Crap, I CANNOT let the wine break.” When I finally hit the pavement, it hurt like hell, my legs were a bloody mess, but the wine was intact.

Fast forward to 2008, when I’m walking down the cobblestone streets of my town after a fresh rain, wearing the same flip flops, and whooooooooooops! There I am on the ice rink again. Luckily, my husband grabbed me [did you happen to see my “Why I Heart Being Married” guide?] and saved me from falling. But it was a close call.

And guess what? I still have the damn flip flops.

Stairs Are Not My Friend

Whether I’m going up or down, I either trip or fall. It’s not that I don’t see the stairs. They just get in my way. Somehow my mind gets ahead of my feet and before I know it, I’m on my face.

It’s kind of embarrassing!

The Effects Are Dramatic

Once during Thanksgiving, at my parent’s house, I ran up the stairs and somehow fell UP them. I am still curious to this day how that was possible. The fifth metatarsal on my left foot was broken and I was put on crutches in the middle of winter. I NEVER want to relive that day… NEVER.

Since that day, I have couned each step I walk up to avoid this scenario from happening EVER again.

Crutches on Ice

I’ve fallen up plenty of stairs and down plenty more. This klutz story, however, has no stairs involved. I broke my ankle while in college during the dead of a Montana winter. Thus, I needed crutches. Getting around a campus covered in ice and snow proved to a have a long learning curve. I fell multiple times when coming inside from the snow. Who knew the wet crutch bottoms and slick tile floors would disagree?
I fell so often that I actually SPRAINED my other ankle. I know……… I am awesome.