Lusting for libations

For: drip coffee or a latte. Or both.

Why: Because it’s a rarity: a community coffee shop doing it right. It has delicious coffee + a great community space (art – good art!, local publications, wi-fi, board games, local characters – and not the drunk homeless kind; the half-drunk retired kind).

Genre/vibe/ambiance: cool community. Owner tinkering around behind the bar or shouting something down from the office. Lots of tables inside and a few small tables street-side. The latest local photographer’s work vibrantly covering the walls. “Mother Jones” and “Dwell” available for purchase, “Common Ground” and “The Guardian” gratis.

Other bonuses: Ask the cute barista about how his Hipster or Homeless? game turned into Blue Tooth or Crazy? . . . and eventually sparked my own version: Christian or Canadian? (and also, when driving, Asian or Elderly? though this admittedly makes people laugh and then call me a bigot).

Plus, Pets on Parade. Every Halloween Farleys sponsers this daytime costume party . . . with pets. And in San Francisco, this means more than some blonde’s Chihuahua in a Superman costume. Last year’s winner (in my opinion) was a giant Iguana dresses as Tinkerbell.

For: to wait in line, to feel like a part of something. Nah, forget that. If your hung-over ass hasn’t had it’s caffeine fix yet, it will want to kill your fellow Blue Bottle fans. You had better go for the fantastic coffee itself, and have patience, young Skywalker.

Why: It’s that good. Yes, really. Each cup of coffee is individually hand-dripped, and their espresso is formidable as well.

Genre/vibe/ambiance: An awning propped open during business hours, no seating. Lots of cranky, self-important customers in line. You might be one of them.

Other bonuses: somehow this coffee gives you an amazing positivity buzz (remember the flying scene in Half Baked?). As uppity as patrons are before they’re served, hipsters have been known to hug afterwards, and bourgee Hayes Valley inhabitants to break out in song. Believe it.

For: Frenet and ginger ale. Or go Buenos Aires-style and mix it with coke.

Why: The friendly and celebratory bar-tenders at Parkside absolutely rejoice with you upon ordering, that’s why (as if you needed a reason to order Frenet)! I swear they get more excited than the order-er . . . but maybe that’s because it presents them with the perfect opportunity to nip some of the tasty treat themselves.

Genre/vibe/ambiance: Dive bar. Punk-style. I heard the Grannies here – a 5 piece punk band dressed as your favourite dementia-prone grandmother, complete with Grannie panties, of which the lead singer gave me spanking privileges during their final song.

Other bonuses: great patio, greater people-watching

For: Maker’s Manhattans. Damn, you New York, for getting this drink named after your infernal island. It should have been ours! And so my vendetta against a venerated metropolis of over 8 million continues . . .

Why: Tunnel Top is purely downtown San Francisco. Stiff drinks, a mish-mash of a demographic (Academy of Art students, aspiring DJs, washed-up writers, and the occasional Financial District suit), and you can still faintly catch the sound of the trolley whistle while not having to actually look at the awkward Wisconsin tourists hanging on for dear life.

Genre/vibe/ambiance: Dark and two-storied. House DJs play a pleasing and upbeat dub/world music blend.

Other bonuses: Cafe Crudo next door, and plenty of public transit nearby waiting to to haul your Manhattan-soaked self back to your permanent or temporary Bay Area home.

For: Belgian Beer. Or any beer. Or just to be cheered by watching people enjoy their beer.

Why: Ummmm, selection? They have an amazing array of hearty ales from around the world. And some of them come in crazy glasses for an added dose of authenticity. This place’ll warm your little beer-loving heart.

Genre/vibe/ambiance: Toronado is rough and tumble yet cozy (yeah, it’s possible) dive bar with plenty of seating. Bar tenders are curt and efficient and won’t put up with your crap: “uh, hmmmm, uh, do you have Bud Light?” but will also take the time to properly pour your Guinness. Now that’s customer service.

Other bonuses: hot damn – Rosamunde’s Sausages right next door. Order over there and Toronado’ll let you slop your sauerkraut-ensconced braut all the way back to your brew.

For: A bad glass of over-priced wine.

Why: Yo, because it’s the poor man’s yacht and almost anything tastes like paradise while motoring through the waters that are the San Francisco Bay! The Blue and Gold Fleet is the largest ferry and tour service in San Francisco. Quick trips (25 minutes) out to Sausalito and Tiburon make for a surprisingly different way to see the city skyline.

Genre/vibe/ambiance: stark, dirty, utilitarian, lurching, full of jaded commuters oblivious to the receding horizon. Therefore: bring a flask full of something that’ll keep you warm, sit outside on the back, and watch your “yacht” thread white trails through the sea.

Other bonuses: none, really