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10 ways to assure that the first date will be the last
- by freeandflawed
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- November 09, 2008
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First dates can be nerve-wracking for both individuals involved. It's really easy to get wrapped up in the anxiety and worry about how this date can go wrong. This guide was written in hopes to make it easier and get rid of some of that anxiety. I have broken down steps that you can take to assure the first date with me will be our last. See? Aren't I helpful?
Think Green
Don’t drive more than necessary. Suggest that I meet you at the restaurant, because after checking Google Maps, you learned that my apartment is a few miles out of the way, so there is no point in you having to back-track…..picking me up and having to drive me home….waste of gas!
Real Men Wear Old Spice
After showering and shaving, yeah, douse your face and neck with plenty of aftershave. Dab a bit on your shirt for good measure. Just make sure that scent permeates my nose, and all the pores in my skin. I don’t want to be able to smell anything else for the rest of the night.
Who Doesn't Love A Smart Shopper?
Show me how thrifty you can be! Take me to the $7.99 all-you-can-eat-24 hour buffet! What an atmosphere for a first date! Even if you have to wait for the tater-tot bin to get refilled! Who needs waitstaff who respond to all your needs, who wants to dine with quiet patrons who stay in their seats throughout dinner?
If you really want to impress me, take me to a Chinese buffet. Nothing says let’s makeout like an upset stomach and garlic breath.
Self-Improvement Tips
Hey, who can’t use a suggestion here and there to better themselves? Be observant, and check out all the women as they pass our table. When you see one who you would categorize as “hot” – be sure to point her out to me and suggest that I dress the way she does.
Don’t stop there, feel free to tell me what you think is wrong with me and my life choices. Don’t like my career? Think I should have gone to another college? Is my lip gloss too shiny? Let me know!
Ex Marks The Spot
During dinner, be sure to bring up your ex-girlfriend and fill me in on the most intimate details of your relationship. This is something that I really want to know, and would be very comfortable hearing about. In fact, I’d be so comfortable, why don’t you just give her a call while I head back to the buffet for seconds.
I once had a boyfriend who, after I went to bed, would call up his ex-girlfriend and talk to her in the other room. One night I woke up, caught him and instead of ending the call, he brought the phone into the bedroom so we could all chat. Oh he was a keeper!
Who's Afraid of A Little Dirt?
Don’t worry about scrubbing, or cutting, those fingernails before our dinner date. When I see the dirt caked in, around, underneath those non-symmetrical nails, I see a hard working man. Oh yes….a real man not afraid of a little hard work or getting his hands dirty.
But Enough About Me
It’s all about you, never mind me! Please tell me the name of your first-grade teacher that you had a crush on, about your younger brother got all the attention. Share the saga of your pet mouse, Oscar, who ran away when you were 7. I want to know all the details of your tonsillectomy, when you fell out of the neighbors tree, all 11 times. No, don’t ask me about myself – This night is all about you!
Show Me How Tough You Are
As you are telling me all about you, share the story of your appendectomy. Ask me if I want to see your scar – but (this is important here) don’t wait for me to answer! Pull your shirt up immediately – exposing your hairy belly from across the dinner table, and point it out to me.
Also, feel free to constantly one-up me. Have you ever had a boyfriend, girlfriend or friend like that? No matter what you say, they have something to top it. I broke my leg last summer. Their response: “Yeah, well I broke BOTH of my legs last summer.”
It's A Natural Thing
If you need to pass gas, just let ‘er rip. A woman enjoys hearing a man fart. First of all, it is a natural bodily function, it has to be done! Don’t feel you need to excuse yourself. Just be sure you laugh like an orangutan afterward. Oh yes, I would love for you to share this experience with me, like music to my ears!
One For The Road
Don’t feel that you need to limit or watch your alcohol intake. You know how much you can handle! If you go a little over-board and become just a wee bit obnoxious. You are just enjoying yourself and releasing the true “you”!
Worst Dates or Date Ideas in New York
“Why a guide on bad dates and the ideas that may have led up to them? Well, to give us all a good laugh at your expense, and also to instruct on what NOT to do…”
WARNING SIGN: Who Are You Dating?
“When we first start dating someone we aren’t always given the “truth.” Many times we don’t find out until much later who we’d been dating because we were still wearing our “love goggles,” the ones that tend to obstruct our vision and judgment for future let down/heartbreak or just plain insanity. If you see the signs and still decide to go for it, more power to ya."
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