Categories: Dating & Relationships; Humor

MEN: The many varieties in New York City

By Chelsea
updated about 1 month ago

The idea of men carrying leather briefcases, while chatting about large sums of money on a pre-release of the 2012 Blackberry, turns most women on. Women swoon over that sort of thing, whereas....that makes me throw up in my mouth a little. I had an incredible fear that by living in New York, I'd have to date someone on Wall Street and the idea of a man meeting me for dinner in a suit at 10:30 when he finally got done working, was enough to give me a serious case of hives. Luckily, with my feline like prowess, I have managed to find a whole plethora of New York types that don't fit the typical cliche. Though, they are all very cliche in their own right. Whether or not these men are your "type" is up to you to decide. I'm just presenting the options.

The Hipster

The Hipster generally has much thinner thighs than you do. Not only that but he’s usually in dire need of a hairbrush. The Hipster most likely doesn’t have a “real job” but is multi-talented, though you’ll never see him actually PLAY, or create anything- but he will show up at the venue, to support his other hipster friends. The Hipster looks like he could have walked out of an American Apparel ad, or stumbled onto the street after a deep slumber. The hipster has abandoned Converse underneath his bed and an obscure shoe collection, among his t-shirts with witty sayings.

Neighboorhoods: East Village, Lower East Side, Williamsburg.

Ulysses Folk House

93 Pearl St, New York, NY 10004

This is where business men PRETEND to “let loose.” The live music gives them that “youthful” feeling again that they had during their college days..

Dorrian's Red Hand Restaurant

1616 2nd Avenue, New York, NY 10028

I would like to quote my roommate when she said, “popped collars and side parts guaranteed.” and BTW, side parts….freak me out.

Advice for women from "The Donald"

Should women use sex appeal to get ahead?
“There’s a professor from
Yale, Professor [Jeffrey] Sonnenfeld. He says the real workplace doesn’t use sex
appeal. And I say, you’d better stay a professor and not go into business! The
fact is, there are certain women who are able to use sex appeal to win. Because
I’m such a diplomat, I want to say to never use it. But the fact is, life is
loaded with it.”

Donald Trump….who totally has a side part.

The Pretty Boy

Th Pretty Boy has such white teeth that you may need to wear your shades. The Pretty boy has nicer clothes than most women, and can often be seen taking “candid” photos of himself in front of his Mac book. The Pretty Boy likes to run with the “pretty people” and has baby soft skin, no five o’clock shadow to be seen here. Most likely, The Pretty Boy has been a door guy, knows the door guy, or can at least name ten “happening bars” within a ten mile radius.

NOTE: You may be date #2 in his long evening, don’t be fooled The Pretty Boy uses “playa” tricks.

The Business Man

Beware the business man for these three reasons, he is either A. dating many women at once or B. too busy for you or C. looking to settle down, start making babies that you’ll take care of while he travels five days a week. If you’re down with all of the above, then throw on your Manolo’s (most likely he will KNOW that you’re wearing Manolo’s, if you don’t have them, he probably isn’t asking you out. Business men think all women look like characters from Sex and The City) and prance down to Wall Street in your most feminine attire. Cleavage won’t hurt either.

NOTE: There are several business “types in NYC” The Hedge Fund Guy, The Wall Street Guy, The Over-worked Ladder Climbing Guy…..we may need to delve deeper into these types at a later date.

The Rocker

If you don’t mind PBR spittle on your brow throughout your time together, rockers are for you. The Rocker will generally take you out, with his friends. The Rocker is on tour most of the time, even if he is touring out of a van….it’s his world, don’t you are try to make him settle. The Rocker skips showers and has hipster friends, and The Business Man secretly wishes that he could have his life. The Rocker is a guys guy, even though he may be wearing studs.

NOTE: Do not try too hard to impress, this is a major rocker turn off.