Write Her a Poem

Deep down inside, you mom misses the days when you’d come home from school with a sappy poem written by starting each line with a letter from the word “Mother.” Why don’t you make one for her now and let her relive your youth. Here’s an example:

Making me waffles for breakfast
Omlettes, which you also made me
Making me pancakes when the waffle iron was broken

Some things to remember when writing your mom a poem:

1. Don’t write poems when you’re hungry. No good will come of it.
2. Poems don’t have to rhyme. Only lazy poets make their poems rhyme, like Dr. Seuss or Shakespeare
3. Resist the urge to add extra guilt to your poem, especially if it’s her fault that you’re not spending Mother’s Day together. It is especially worth noting that “M” also starts the phrase “Moved Away.” Seriously though, resist that urge.

Call Your Mother

A quick phone call is all it’ll take to brighten her day. Tell her some news, ask her how her day is going. Make some conversation. Especially if you’re…delinquent in calling your mom regularly, this will brighten her day.

Give Her Some Grandkids

Your mom may lay awake at night worrying that you’re not practicing safe sex, but within the core of her being she wants a grandkid. She wants multiple grandkids. Tell her on Mother’s Day that she’s going to be a grandma. It doesn’t have to be true, just don’t tell her you’re kidding until Monday.

Send her an E-Card

Take Her Out to Brunch

If you’re lucky enough to have your mom in town on Mother’s Day (instead of her making one of her infrequent California trips for Passover), you can take her out for a nice Brunch. Moms love brunch, and I’ve never been sure why. Here are some places to go in the Bay Area. Don’t forget to make reservations well in advance. Not only will it make sure you get a table, but your mom will mistakenly think you’re a responsible adult who knows how to do simple things like make a brunch reservation.

Write her a Guidespot Guide

If you have access to a website where you can make a nice little guide to dedicate to your mother, go for it. You can make some satirical listings, but then follow it up with a heartfelt message about how much you appreciate all that she does for you and how you hope she has a very happy mother’s day.