Ask Matt Fried, GSpot Dating Expert

Love The Hater

I’ve been dating this girl for a month and she’s extremely self-deprecating. To the point where, if I’m talking to her about good advice I heard, she immediately thinks I’m making a recommendation to her. She beautiful, but I can’t take this anymore – HELP!

Dump her. It’s just that simple. There are many women who look to their significant others for validation and support. There’s a difference between being supportive for your girlfriend and saving the day… all the time, every time. This girl doesn’t see you as a boyfriend, she sees you as a therapist. Some people can be that; but it sounds like neither of you will ever be happy together.

"Hey there, sailor."

I’m a gay male who thinks you’re super-cute. Any chance?

Um… I’m flattered, but certain activities are behind me at this point in life. Thanks for the compliment though!

Mama's boy

Are guys always (even subconsciously) looking for someone to take care of them? How do you make a distinction between being someone’s girlfriend and being similar and comforting like mom? Is everything really so Freudian in the end?

Look, men need support too. Our culture promotes this idea that we are self-sufficient individuals, but more of us are self-serving than anything else. That said, we don’t want to see our moms naked, nor do we actually want to consider spending the rest of our lives with them. An ideal girlfriend/wife is someone who’ll stand by us, support us, and comfort us – when we need it. Our moms will always be our moms, but you also spend every day with us. There is a difference. We know it. We don’t need a magical on/off switch to tell us. If you’re being put in a position to actually ask this question, stop looking up Freud and start asking him what’s up. You’re his girlfriend, not his caretaker.

Even if they’re in a committed relationship, most men’s heads seem to be on a swivel whenever they’re in a public place where other women are present.  [Meanwhile, they would skewer their significant other if they did the same thing.]  What is the reason behind this phenomenon?

It’s like my mom’s hairdresser used to say “Ain’t nothing wrong with window shopping, but don’t even think about walking into the store.” You’re not going to like this, but it’s the truth: because we can’t help it. Any guy who can has “trained himself” to fight the urge, has done so because he cares about you. Men are always curious to know our options. And, to be fair, you just claimed that women sometimes do the same thing. There are a variety of reasons we “take in the scenery”, and if your guy is serious about being with you, he’s just looking, albeit if he’s obvious – he’s also a moron. As for YOU catching flak for doing the same thing, call him out on it. Gawking is a two-way street.

i have some general questions to ask [this is for a school project so please hurry!]

1. what drives men to pursue women?
2.what are some questions you get from women alot?
3. what do you think women are doing wrong when it comes to dating?
4.what do you think is the best way for women to be successful
5. where did the "dating double standard " originate?
6. do you think it will change? [see number 5]
7.what are some situations that are red flags?
8. how do you tell if you are going to be the girlfriend or the hook up?
9 is there even a way to tell?
10. how long have you been a dating expert?

Hi calligi:

Sweet – now, I can add “academic consultant” to my resume. I tried to post my answers here, but I maxed out the text field limit. Check out my answers on my blog. Hope it helps!

Repeat Offender

I’ve noticed that every woman I date is crazy. They’re all super-posessive and needy. How do I find the sane ones?

Are these women crazy, or are you just living in denial? It’s been psychologically proven that we make decisions at very young ages to what we find attractive in people. This is based on who are parents are, what we’re reading, what we watch – all that stuff. The only way to find “the sane ones” is to actually force yourself to date outside of your type. From what it sounds like, you haven’t ever asked yourself what you do find attractive and why. Perhaps you also have a tendency to settle for looks and disregard personality. If I were you, I’d take a break from dating and figure out what you’re doing.

High Score Champion

My boyfriend is obsessed with video games. When we started dating, I thought it was cute, but he uses Halo as an excuse to spend time with me. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he always makes up some thin excuse of why this how it is. Am I crazy, or justified?

Justified – completely and totally. If it were a situation in which he was a recreational gamer, and only set aside certain times to rock a joystick (versus using every moment of his free time), then I would say you need to back off. But if his hobby (which it is, gamers) is getting in the way of you two spending time together, he should realize that. If he doesn’t, then – sorry – he’s choosing Lara Croft over you. And then, you should be asking yourself if you really want to come in second to some man-made graphic.

Hey There Girl...Friend!

Why do men think it is ok to be friends ASAP after a breakup? I do not think that being friends and hanging out as friends right after a recent breakup is healthy for either person… Why do some men think it is ok to jump into this kind of new “relationship” right after the breakup? Let’s be honest, are they just looking for the friendship, so they can occasionally have the benefits?

Ha! Seriously? Dude, they are sooo looking for the “friends with benefits” deal. Here’s the dirty truth about us: even if we end a relationship on amicable terms, there’s still a small part of us that will think about some possible NSA physical intimacy. Why? Because, why not? Part of human nature is seeing what’s possible under any circumstances. That said, I agree that this type of behavior is unhealthy. You need to talk to this guy ASAP. You two need to establish boundaries – out of mutual care and respect. If that means stopping communication for a while, so be it. With break-ups, you have to put yourself first. Even worse case scenario: he wants to be friends just to keep you in his life. Shortly after this point, that would be when he starts flooding your inbox with pointless e-mails and trying to figure out where you are at all times. Either way, the quickie friendship is about anything BUT being friends.

Hi Matt –

You give some pretty interesting advice. I am curious about your qualifications and background, so that I can supplant you as Guidespot’s Premier Dating Expert. Any tips?

Thanks a mil!

Hi Karey Ann:

My qualifications are legit! Get that camera outta my face! Get outta my store!