Asian Men are the New Black

by Andrea D - November 25, 2008

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Oh, that's right, bitches. Sure, we all know how adorable Asian women are, but Asian men have been largely relegated to supporting roles in the world of love. That's all changing. Never considered dating an Asian guy? Consider it now.

People literally make slide shows of Asian dudes with white chicks. I thought I had too much time on my hands…

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Ducati Seattle

711 9th Ave N, Seattle, WA 98109

There isn’t an Asian dude alive who won’t melt at the sight of a chick on a sporty motorcycle. Get your endorsement, some gear, and get on the road. A crotch rocket is your key to undressing an Asian male.

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Aurora Suzuki Motorcycles

7409 Aurora Ave N, Seattle, WA 98103

Suzukis are well made and easy to ride. Consider a GSF600 if you want to snag and Asian guy’s eye (in the metaphorical sense – do not attempt to actually snag an Asian’s eyelid using your bike fairings).

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Renton Motorcycles Kawasaki

3701 E Valley Rd, Renton, WA 98057

Hell, you can just hang out in the store, lovingly fondling boots and helmets. You’ll meet an Asian dude in ten minutes flat.

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The Gossip Espresso & Tea

651 S King St, Seattle, WA 98104

If you are interested in Japanese guys with Harajuku hair, Gossip is the place for bubble tea and love.

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Fort St George

601 S King St Ste 202, Seattle, WA 98104

Good bar with cheap drinks and a more often than not Asian clientele. Go for the blended tofu mixers, stay for the hot Asian ass.

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University of Washington

150 Meany Hall Ab 10, Seattle, WA 98101

The U is crawling with hot Asian dudes. Get in on the action before they all become dentists and settle down.

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Reasons to Date an Asian Dude

1. Very little body odor (this is genetic – Asians also have drier earwax. DO NOT allow your Asian dude to clean out your ears with those little metal spoons unless you also have dry earwax – most non-Asians have wet earwax, and there is nothing wrong with Q-Tips).
2. Thick, gorgeous hair and less of a penchant for male pattern baldness.
3. Even if Asians aren’t actually that much smarter than everyone else, they are at least shamed into working their asses off by demanding parents. Your Asian dude will probably be a hard worker, if nothing else.
4. Years of being ignored by Asian women means that Asian men are eager to prove that they have what it takes. This translates to some seriously good sex. Fireworks WERE invented in China, after all.
5. Significantly less quantities of body hair are left behind by Asian men who share your bed. This does not apply to my boyfriend.
6. My god, the eyes. THE EYES.

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Good news for nerdy girls

So, you’ve spent much of your adulthood playing World of Warcraft and Mario Kart? Good. Asian men cannot be lumped together into a massive, monolithic category any more than any other gigantic group of men, but my personal experience tells me that Asian men comprise more than their fair share of (slender, relatively attractive) nerds.

Basically, mad texting skills are impressive. If you can beat Rock Band, that’s even better. Do you know what panchinko is? Good. You’ll have access to all KINDS of Asian joystick in no time.

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Takeshi Kaneshiro

I can’t look at this guy for more than five seconds without breaking out the vibrator… I’ll be right back. Hold my calls.

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But don't Asian men have small penises?

No more so than white dudes, as far as I can tell. You’ll come across some baby carrots and you’ll come across some freakish, daikon radish-sized Asian schlong. There’s everything in between, too. Heh. I said “come across”.

Don’t believe me? Google “Rick Lee Asian Man” for some porn that I am not allowed to link to per Guidespot’s “Appropriate Content” rules, Section 7a, line 3. Rick Lee is a Chinese guy who flies around the world having sex with women, filming it, and then posting it on his web site. Rick is well-endowed, and claims that it’s 100% natural, so… well, go on. Check it out.

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Discussions

: by aubreeWYATTsmith 12/09/2008 Reply

Asian men are hothothot. I’ve always thought so. I think the hottest man, though, is mixed-race; half Asian half black, half Asian half white and so on. Basically, we should all breed with Asian men, ladies. The result is Keanu Reeves.