Tips For The San Francisco Apartment Hunter

Desparate Generosity

(This is a direct quotation from Craigslist):

“I am looking for a vegan roommate to rent a room in my house in Costa Rica. The rent is $150 for the room a month. The house is located on a beautiful property by a native reservation and 45 minutes from Manual Antonio beach. You can be male or female and I don’t care about your age.”

Um…Make sure to tell your mom you love her before you take off for this apartment.

An Ad Boasting About A Micro-Fridge

If this is the most prized ammenity, just walk away.

The Ad Has Lonely Myspace Photos

This girl was, to everyone’s great surprise, having trouble finding a roommate. Perhaps it was because she preferred a male, age 20-30 with a “preppy thug” style. Perhaps it was because she used the word “buggin’” so many times in the ad. But it couldn’t have been the photos. Could it have?

They ask you to do your interview via iChat

Remember, you’re interviewing these subjects as your potential roommates, and this space as your future apartment too, so it’s okay to take control of the situation.

A crying girl runs out of the apartment when you ring the doorbell

Take one quick look at your future in that house, and run far, far away.

The only CD they have on their shelf is the Spice World Soundtrack

During my recent apartment search, here are some things my potential new roommate desired:
Someone who maintains “active spiritual practice”
-Someone who will agree to wear paper slippers inside
“45-year-old White Male Seeking Gay Male Latino Roommate”
-A handful of vegans who don’t want any animal products in the entire house
-Someone who doesn’t mind “rabbit-sitting” 3 or 4 nights a week

T.M.I.

One girl wrote such a long description of her “amazing” apartment, (which turned out to be half a block away from a run-down housing project), that she felt the need to include the price of yellow onions at the market down the street. ($0.10/lb.!)

Do you think she might have been trying to make up for something?

"Furnished" Rooms

There’s a reason why the old roommate left that stuff behind.

A Guy Tries To Sell You Meth In The Lobby

I knew I should have turned around right then and there. Not even a penthouse with a laundry room could have made up for that one.

They "don't mind you being dirty"

They have bottles of 2 Buck Chuck lining their livingroomA

And not to be ironic, either. I know it’s astoundingly drinkable for the price, but saving your empties is bad enough.