.jpg "Shawna"){kind=small}
.jpg "aliciak"){kind=small}
.jpg "Elijay"){kind=small}
.jpg "Fear and Loathing: A Hipster's Guide to Surviving Las Vegas")
.jpg "Survive That Flight!")
.jpg "Surviving The Family Get Together")
.jpg "Karey Ann")
.jpg "The Office Installation #1: Michael Scott's Guide to Being the Best Boss Ever")
.jpg "Bay Area Celebrities")
.jpg "Dogs in Costume!")
.jpg "Ray Schon State Farm Insurance")
.jpg "Dan Tyler State Farm Insurance")
.jpg "Susan Terhune State Farm Insurance")
.jpg "Ben Parsons State Farm Insurance")
.jpg "Awkward Family Portraits will make you say \"WTF?\"")
.jpg "Love is funny: Awesomely BAD engagement photos")
.jpg "Failbook")
.jpg "The Best iPhone Apps For Women")
SPONSORED LISTINGS
A Bridesmaid's Survival Guide
- by karey_ann
- -
- November 09, 2009
(3)
- 6 discussions
- |
- 12 comments
- -
- expand all
.jpg)
Congrats! You are a bridesmaid and it's June - let the obligations begin! For women in our 20s to 30s the month of May can mark the beginning of expensive weekends all the way through August. Not to mention time spent on bridesmaid conference calls (oh yes, it's happened), bachelorette parties, and getting that darn dress altered. For someone who has never been particularly into weddings, marriage in general, or anything fluffy and/or lacy, it's been a long haul through my 20s. How many times have I been a bridesmaid? Enough to have learned these tricks of the trade:
Step #1 Call In Your Zen
Start practicing non-attachment now. This isn’t your bus to drive and there are plenty of wacky group decisions on the bumpy road ahead. Find the part of you that has that go-with-the-flow attitude. Haven’t seen that part of yourself since 1985? There is help, seek it:
Kabuki Springs & Spa
1750 Geary Blvd, San Francisco, CA 94115
Get a massage, get a facial, spend three hours on one of the wooden chaise lounges – do whatever it takes to call in your inner peace. After a prolonged trip to Kabuki, you will feel like you can take on the world. Or a gaggle of gossiping girlfriends.
Get a massage, get a facial, spend three hours on one of the wooden chaise lounges – do whatever it takes to call in your inner peace. After a prolonged trip to Kabuki, you will feel like you can take on the world. Or a gaggle of gossiping girlfriends.
Read this
And this
Step #2: Call in Some Cold Hard Cash
A convenient time for a sugar daddy. Whether you have one, it’s actually your biological Dad, or you are your own Sugar Mama – call them in, ’cause this might be a financial strain.
If you can’t keep pace with the quickly stacking expenses, or if they are really exorbitant, bow out of some activities (gracefully), and be honest with the Bride in private about why. She may not realize that it’s gotten out of hand or that you are in a different economic situation.
At the very least, hopefully she’ll understand. At best, maybe she’ll change some things around to accommodate you.
Otherwise, don’t run your mouth about how much everything is. If you’ve decided you’re in, shut up about it.
Step #3 Establish Your Vent
The Vent should be a person who has NOTHING to do with this wedding, maybe someone in a completely different social group or family.
This person is an important liason. They will serve to dispassionately hear your frustrations; all your rants that will start with “You will never believe . . .” and end with, “I mean, can you imagine?”
Choose wisely. Moms are usually not a good Vent as they have looooooong memories and will store away whatever you tell them, dragging it out in the future when you least expect it. Example:
You: “Well this one friend Jenny is super high-maintenance and has gotten drunk at every event! She’s such a lush!”
Your Mom: “Mmmmm-hmmmmmm.”
5 years later:
You: “So we’re going on this cruise with Jenny and her husband.”
Your Mom: “I thought Jenny had an alcohol problem and is a bit unstable. Why on earth are you going with her? I’m going to be worried about you the whole time!”
Sheesh.
Step #4 Get All the Bridesmaids' Emails
This step is very simple, yet important.
The bride frequently thinks that everyone is in the loop, because she is the loop. Staying in communication is especially important if A) You don’t live in the area B)the Maid of Honor is disorganized or MIA (that’s not the recording artist, that would be the acronym “Missing In Action”. Besides, I’m sure MIA would make a great Maid of Honor).
When you are unsure of a detail, email the group or the person who’s most on top of it.
This will save you from messing things up.
Example:
You email: “We are supposed to wear gold shoes and I found these on sale at Zappo’s. Attached is a picture – do they look like what you guys are wearing?”
You email: “Wait, who is in charge of putting out the place-settings so everyone knows where to sit at the reception?”
All 5 bridesmaids email back: “You!”
See? Aren’t you glad you asked.
Step #5: Survive the Bridal Shower By:
-Not getting freaked out by the color pink
-Not drinking too many mimosas and referencing one of The Bride’s past one-night stands in front of her mother
-Bringing a nice, tasteful gift. Now is not that time to get cute (or what you think is cute):
Lingerie Can Get Awkward
Especially if the Groom’s Mom and/or Sister is there. You’ve been warned.
Step #6 Survive the Bachelorette Party
Hint: Refer back to Step #1
Remember what you learned in Step #1. Good. Now be quiet, sit back, and become the most agreeable person. Ever.
No, seriously. Whatever idea is floated out, especially in the planning stages, say that it’s great. Women are looking for support for their ideas – they have already decided it’s a great idea!! You are probably a woman if you have read this far down – don’t you know this already??
If the Maid of Honor wants you to purchase and bring penis straws, do it. If everyone wants a tacky sash for the bride to wear but you know she’ll hate it, be quiet about it. If you think the choice of venue is ridiculous, BE QUIET ABOUT IT.Don’t be the girl who knocks down each “suggestion”. It won’t easily be forgotten.
Hint: Get Tipsy Before the Stripper Gets There
Get tipsy before the stripper gets there.
If you don’t drink, get tipsy before the stripper gets there.
Those of you who have been through this know what I am talking about here, and you understand the repercussions of being completely sober.
Do not take this advice lightly.
Headed to Sin City?
Better read up.
Hint: Don't Get Too Drunk and Blurt Out Your True Feelings About the Groom
Basically, blurt out anything but that. Even if you suddenly admit it was you who stole her “Seven 4 All Mankind” jeans in college.
Anything but derogatory comments about the her future husband – even if The Bride herself is doing it.
If you do, you will feel like this afterwards:
Nordstrom
865 Market St Ste 500, San Francisco, CA 94103
Because sometimes you need some shoes, some SPANX, and those weird sticky boob things. Nordstrom is the best place to storm in and get it all.
Because sometimes you need some shoes, some SPANX, and those weird sticky boob things. Nordstrom is the best place to storm in and get it all.
Zen and SPANX
Step #7 Survive the Wedding Itself By:
A. Getting Over Your Dress
Get over it. No one really cares what you look like after The Bride comes out anyway. So don’t fixate on it. Besides, your dress cannot possibly be as bad as:
these
or these
or these
So be quiet about it.
B. Not Laughing During the Ceremony
You are so close, don’t lose it.
I don’t care what happens. No matter who faints, makes a hilarious Freudian slip, or what the priest’s/justice of the peace voice sounds like (“Mayw-widge is what bwings us together today”).
Don’t chortle, guffaw, or even crack a smile. People are watching.
Unless it’s you who did something stupid, then smile quickly and get out of the limelight. This is good advice from someone who put her heel through the top of the skirt of her bridesmaid’s dress while getting out of the limo.
No matter what mayhem or bloopers ensue – KEEP IT CLASSY and don’t laugh.
Also, don’t forget to breathe:
Step #7: Don't Be "That Girl" at the Reception
OK, it’s probably open bar. “Open” bar, not “drink the whole bar”. I know it’s exciting but PACE YOURSELF!
DO NOT make a drunken speech about that time you hot boxed the car all the way to Santa Barbara. Or about The Bride’s exes, or conquests, or how she can burp the entire chorus of Aerosmith’s “Don’t Want To Miss A Thing”.
DO NOT do the “Supeman” on the dancefloor or throw Grandma around during “YMCA”.
Basically, DO NOT be this girl:
That's It - You Survived
Now it’s time to get back to work to recoup some of those financial losses.
Cheers!
Guides We Think You'll Like
- |
- |
- |
- |
- share this
.jpg "Karey Ann")
-
You SO have the right idea, Andrea D. I do not possess the correct disposition to run this type of project!
.jpg "Andrea D")
-
And this is PRECISELY why I am going to elope and then have a nice party a couple of years down the line, when everyone is over the outrage.
.jpg "Susie")
-
Oh God, I could comment on every single part of this guide!!! My sister is getting married in Sept. and I’m currently fulfilling my maid of honor duties. Just finished the shower on Sat. and it was a huge success but I’m SO glad it’s over. Bachelor/bachelorette party is a Bahamas cruise in July, and then finally the wedding. Will I survive?? Thanks for this!
Add Our Widget To Your Site
.jpg)
Discussions