A Guide about Something. Something Very Important.

The Pope

The pope is very serious. He has special, nonpariel power and he’ll smite you. Kneel. Now.

Smart Powerful People

Adam and Eve

In biblical history, they represent the first male and female homo sapiens. They are supposedly created in God’s image.

John Fitzgerald Kennedy and Jacqueline Lee Bouvier Kennedy

Jackie Bouvier married John Kennedy on September 12, 1953. The couple brought a young energy and style to the White House in 1961, a time referred to as Camelot.

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt

Seen here eating Taco Bell.

Tom Cruise is a profound human being.

Don’t be glib. Tom is a consequential figure and should be taken very seriously. He is also deeply into Scientology. Scientology is that man is a spiritual being whose existence spans more than one life and who is endowed with abilities well beyond those which he normally considers he possesses.

So Tom Cruise possesses magical powers. Like elves.

Oprah is very substantial

See ‘The Pope.’

Children Playing Bluegrass Music

Bluegrass Music is very important. If you don’t like this style of music, you’re an uneducated boob and have no place with the very, very smart bluegrass music fans.

Your hemp fanny pack should always have some important things that are related to bluegrass in it, such as trail mix, poetry musings and tree bark.

The Google

The Google knows. It knows you like dirty pictures. It knows you are “Googling” ex-boyfriends/girlfriends. It knows you are planning to cook orange roughy soon. It knows.

What I'm Going to Wear Tonight/Tomorrow

My Gap sweater? My other Gap sweater? My H&M sweater? My T-shirt with the sheep on it? I don’t know, but I constantly think about it, so it must be important!!

Tradition

What has happened to our moral fiber? What about the ol’ fashioned way of violent, excessive, and child psyche damaging punishment in the classroom or blatant racism? We used to be moral people before all of the crazy shit we used to do was labeled immoral. We used to be able to remain wholesome with a higher level of malicious intent because, at one time, our actions were still considered to be moral.

Where is our moral fiber, you ask? Ask this woman. Just look into her eyes and you can sense her dangerous intentions to have rights, be treated like a human, and..dare I say it….speak out of turn! It’s broads and dames like her that make it so I have to press my own SS uniform.

Reality Television

Reality television is extremely important. Especially The Bachelor. I focus much of my energy and focus on reality television. The trashier the better.