Haven't you always wanted to know how to be completely adorable and irresistible to men? Well, there are lots of tricks that I know - some of them aren't really appropriate for this site - to get guys interested and keep them happy. In the words of Elle Woods: "What, like it's hard?"
You also forgot to add ordering a lettuce leaf and a peanut (it’s a GOOD fat) for dinner.
I actually quite love the girl’s haircut in your guide icon. Super cute.
Don't Pay for Anything...
...ever.
We might be in the 21st century. Chivalry may be in the throes of death. You may make 3 or 4 times more money than him. But if you split the bill or share expenses, he’ll never respect you or treat you like you deserve. You must demand that he pay for everything. Always. Forever. Until you make your dad buy your wedding gown.
You won’t be needing this bank locator. Unless you need money for tampons or something.
Only Watch TV You Want to Watch
If you want to watch Trading Spaces or A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, make him watch it with you. He’ll enjoy that couple’s time and think it is so cute how you have opinions on all of the participants and/or characters.
But if he’s ever reaching for the remote because the 27th SportsCenter of the day is about to come on, take a deep breath and heave a heavy sigh. Doesn’t he want you to be HAPPY?
Buy shoes that are cute but have ridiculously high heels. Be sure not to practice walking in them. Then wear them on a night out when you’re going to be walking from club to club or car to club or wherever it is that girls who wear high heels go. After 10 minutes or so, get uncomfortable and commence complaining! But refuse to take off your shoes. That would totally ruin your outfit.
I’ll never know why it isn’t called Barneys Beverly Hills, but at this Westside shopping mecca you can kill two birds with one stone: spend all your money (so you can’t pay for anything) and buy uncomfortable shoes!
I’ll never know why it isn’t called Barneys Beverly Hills, but at this Westside shopping mecca you can kill two birds with one stone: spend all your money (so you can’t pay for anything) and buy uncomfortable shoes!
Spit, Curse, Engage in Other Pirate-like activities...
...like plundering? I don’t know. But good manners are totally out. Be one of the guys…one of the ones who have no class! Cute!
Spending your time anonymously gossiping about people at your college on the internet? Adorable.
Always Have an Answer Ready
If the question is “What do you want to do tonight?” or “Where do you want to eat?” then “I don’t know” and “I don’t care” are really your only options.
For something like “What do you think of my friends?” a wrinkled nose and an insincere “They’re OK” is completely acceptable.
If it’s “Do I have to go to your event/outing/party/job function?” you can just go ahead and burst into tears.
Don't Hold Your Liquor
Seriously, really really drunk girls are so adorable.
You’ll be in good company as “that drunk girl” at this Hollywood almost not hot anymore spot.
You’ll be in good company as “that drunk girl” at this Hollywood almost not hot anymore spot.
Play dumb
Everyone knows, “Guys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses.” Though this is a commentary on the accessory of glasses, it also speaks volumes about the kind of girl guys do like: pretty ones! Not smart ones. What do you mean you majored in English at an Ivy league school—you still have to ask him what a pronoun is! And then pretend not to understand the explanation. He’ll be head over your uncomfortable heels.
When you’re dating a guy, he should want to spend as much time with you as possible. Which means as little time doing things he likes, such as playing video games. So do him a favor and head down to the GameStop and sell all of his video game equipment. Then spend the money on new shoes so that he doesn’t have to go through the trouble of deciding what to do with it on his own. He’ll thank you, I promise.
I don’t promise
When you’re dating a guy, he should want to spend as much time with you as possible. Which means as little time doing things he likes, such as playing video games. So do him a favor and head down to the GameStop and sell all of his video game equipment. Then spend the money on new shoes so that he doesn’t have to go through the trouble of deciding what to do with it on his own. He’ll thank you, I promise.
I don’t promise
Is it Halloween?
This is non-negotiable: you must go in a couple’s costume. There is nothing more adorable than this. Ball & chain is a classic, but you can choose from a whole slew options: bride & groom, Little Bo Peep & her sheep, football player & cheerleader, etc. And don’t forget, if he dresses in drag, it means he loves you more.
Yes, he wants to go as the Flintstones. You don’t even have to ask!
Always. Only order salads when you go out to dinner. If you’re really hungry, get the dressing on the side (instead of refusing it altogether). Constantly ask the dreaded “Am I fat?” or “Do these pants make my butt look big?” Always compare yourself to other girls: “She’s pretty, isn’t she?” but then get mad if he agrees with you, even if it’s a shrugging “I guess.” Not only is this insecurity and constant bitching adorable, it’s hopelessly sexy and such a turn-on.
This is about the right size for a salad.
One word: Moodswings
What the hell do you mean “mood swings” is two words? Are you calling me stupid? I can’t believe you would say that to me!
I’m hungry. Let’s get burritos. Don’t give me that look. You think I’m fat, don’t you?
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Click here to log in.I got like, three entries down before I realized you were being sarcastic. I was all “This isn’t good advice at all! The opposite is true!”
Dur.
i totally subscribe to the not “paying for anything” part of being adorable. great guide!
This guide is so adorable, I’m gonna puke… isn’t that adorable?
You also forgot to add ordering a lettuce leaf and a peanut (it’s a GOOD fat) for dinner.
I actually quite love the girl’s haircut in your guide icon. Super cute.