Your Look

It’s not that you don’t have a look, but New York is all about context. Don’t roll into Slate looking like you’re ready to party at Down The Hatch. Take the frat boy antics to where they’ll be appreciated. Yes, you could get self-righteous and make a scene about it, but what will it accomplish? I was at Planet Rose Karaoke Bar a few weeks ago and watched a fight break out.  Let me repeat that sentence: I was at a KARAOKE BAR and watched a FIGHT break out.  The cause?  Some B&T dude was just angry that he couldn’t hack it with the ladies who wanted to just get drunk and sing “Since You’ve Been Gone.” Once again: context is everything, your look at the right place is everything.  However, you really don’t know funny until you’ve watched some guido with a bloody-eye get into an argument with a bouncer… all he wanted to do was sing “Don’t Stop Believin’.”

The Game

Ah, yes – “The Game.” The behavior you adapt to accommodate any given situation. Every guy has a game, but as for “The Game”... to each his own, my friends. I personally am not a fan of “The Game,” because women can smell horny from nine miles away. Plus, I’m lousy at being slick. I prefer far more straight-forward methods: be yourself, let her talk, and don’t doubt your instincts. Chemistry in the animal kingdom is the difference between awesome morning-after stories and an awkward goodbyes over waffles. A nice point to remember: be low-key and take your time. Meeting people is like reading a book: you’re can either be a complex novel or an average page-turner. You can make that call, guys.

Do's and Don't's

Do enjoy moments of silence
No one, except for the Kennedys, ever successfully picked up a woman with a wall of sound. It’s just grating and desperate. Enjoy the lull, let that moment sit with both of you. I’m not talking about an awkward three-minute silence. The ability to have deft control over conversation not only indicates that you’re listening (or at least appears so), but that you’re not trying to impress her either.

Don’t take yourself seriously
So you’re still working on breaking out of entry level work, big deal. Women can be very self-deprecating when they want to be. Men do something far worse: we can wallow in self-deprecation. I think “being emo” came from this point of view, but that’s a different story. No woman wants to listen to a guy beat himself up, or act as if he’s doing nothing with his life. Focus on the positives and your goals; talk about why you even took the job you have in the first place. At the very least, she’ll get an entertaining story.

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The Playing Field

Alright, sure shot: so you have spotted the girl at your desired location. So what’re you going to do about it? You don’t know. Fair enough: different locales often demand different strategies.

Bar
Yuppie – Always have an entourage with you. It’s no secret that people want to hook-up here, but they also want to act like they have money. Play hard-to-get, use your crew to touch base every so often. Here’s the point: she’ll have friends, too. Don’t be the odd-man out on this one.

Hipster Dive – Way easier for a loner to do his thing here. Any hipster dive bar usually caters to a certain amount of intimacy and strategy. While you should at least have a wingman, it isn’t completely necessary. Look for a pool table, a jukebox, eavesdrop on an interesting conversation – find something that’ll make you stick out, but not like a sore thumb.

Coffeeshop
Assess your surroundings immediately. Coffeeshops really only attract two kinds of people: grad students and lazy grad students.  Look for a book, a paper, anything that can constitute as a conversation starter.  Here’s the trap you need to mind: best to be in and out. A coffeeshop pick-up that lasts more than a few minutes just gets awkward and creepy.

Book Shop
Be a bit more methodical with this locale.  You’re in a bookshop, with books. Great way to drop hints about your personality via a recommendation. Just don’t overload her. And, even if you couldn’t care less, if she digs Harry Potter, you dig Harry Potter – just that simple.

The Text Message
Are you fifteen? Are you grounded by your parents? Then get it together.

The Home Run vs. The Slow Burn

She’s into it, you’re into it; rock on… right? Not every opportunity that comes your way will necessitate grabbing a cab and heading back to your place. Once again, trust your instincts. Here’s the way I see it, guys: you really can sleep with any woman you want in this city. There’s a fair share of nut jobs, clingers, and genuine psychos, as well. But life is about the ride, not the hype. So if the vibe is “Call her later.”, follow it. I had one experience like this recently, where I zigged where I should have zagged, but that’s the fun of figuring all this stuff out – you eventually come out on top. Just be patient, be cool-headed, and… uh, your fly.