5 Signs that Your Body Can't Handle High Altitude

by gregyo - April 14, 2008

Rate Guide (4)

Misc.

2 discussions

This guide will showcase the unique and delightful bodily reactions that prove unequivocally how poorly equipped my human anatomy is in performing at high elevations. My fun was from the summit of Mt. Pisco in Peru, at almost 19,000 feet. Maybe you can learn a thing or two about how to train your body to more aptly respond to thin air, low oxygen, and chicks with hairy legs. These are my top five, in descending order of importance.

5. Get drunk fast

I’m not a big dude. But I can hold down a drink or two before drolling on myself and needing help to take a piss. When I climbed this mountain, I knew my body was fighting the good fight based solely on it’s response to alcohol intake. Two drinks and it was like Freshman year all over again, less getting thrown into dumpsters and picking zits (ok still some of that). If I only discovered this reaction a few years earlier, then I would have taken all of my dates to the top of a mountain for a nightcap. Whatever, I don’t get nightcaps. Anyways, this might be the only item that I sort of enjoyed. Getting your drink on can also go to your head, not to be confused with #4 below.

Add Comment

3. You're cold as a mo fo

One thing about being high up, it’s frickin cold. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind the cold. I like ice cream and I’m a big fan of a romp in the snow before jumping in the hot tub. Hell, I even sometimes get a kick out of how cold the toilet seat is in the morning. What I don’t like it having no respite from the wrath of chilly willy. You will shiver a lot, which hurts your teeth, you’ll wear lots of clothes, which makes the few chicks you see up there think you’re a tub, and you’ll burn a lot of calories trying to stay warm. Burning calories is not good when you combine it with #2 below.

Add Comment

1. Coming out both ends

The telltale sign that your body is ill-equipped for high-country travel is the sudden urge to rocket bodily fluids out of all orifices of your body, simultaneously. It’s truly a humbling experience when you cannot control the urge to expel every particle of existence within you entire digestive system. Spend a few hours pretending you can hold this one back. It’s all for naught. You will basically want to die. That’s how you know.

Add Comment

4. Lightheaded feeling

I used to do a lot of whippits in college. This guy a knew stole that whipped cream maker from Starbucks and it seemed like such a good idea to burn a few brain cells for the sheer enjoyment of being light of head. That was retarded. I now realize the head should be heavy with thought, not light with dead brain cells. I am stupid enough without adding that. So when you are high up on Mt. Diarrhea and you start to get lightheaded, it’s your body telling you that you are doing something stupid. Either that or my brain just got so cold that I couldn’t tell the different. But I’ll save temperature tantrums for #3.

Add Comment

2. Loss of Appetite

I eat a lot. Some times I eat to the point of discomfort. I often rationalize with the presupposition that I am an active young male. The reality is that I love food and can’t stand to watch a wasted morsel of even the most mediocre form of nourishment. That’s how I knew that the altitude was kicking my ass. The thing is, you sort of need to eat at elevation because your body needs energy, yadda yadda yadda. But it’s no fun when it’s a chore and even harder when you combine this with my #1 below.

Add Comment

Guides We Think You'll Like

Discussions

: by gregyo 04/14/2008 Reply

How about, “Multitasking is so hot. Wanna grab a burro and take a ride to my tent?”

: by AlexandraF 04/14/2008 Reply

All I want to know is if you saw a hot girl puking and diarrhea’ing at the same time, what would be your pick-up line?

All Discussions (2)

About The Author

gregyo

Sloans Lake / Highlands wannabe, Denver

I have an outdated wardrobe. Some of my underwear have holes. I floss about 5 times a week. I simply can't make it to seven. I have a tendency to eat things beyond their expiration dates. It doesn't make me ill. I don't put books on the shelf to make it look like I read them when I haven't. I rea...