The 13 Worst Halloween Candies to Find in Your Bag

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As a kid there was nothing better than emptying out your Halloween pillow case full of candy at the end of the night and sorting through your loot. That is of course unless you got back to your house and found out you had a bag full of Bit-o-honeys, Smarties and Necco wafers. Blechh!! That stuff sucked and so do these...

13. Jawbreaker

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The name says it all. Don’t get me wrong, it’s made of sugar, so I’ll eat it, but it’s pretty far down on the list — somewhere between black licorice and raisins.

12. Candy Cigarettes

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Oh brilliant idea! Get me some candy booze and hookers too!

11. A pocket Bible from my Seventh Day Adventist Neighbors

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Is this bible made out of caramel or nougat? I didn’t think so. If you really wanted to convert me, you would have given me pixie sticks mixed with cocaine and sour patch kids.

10. Stickers

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I got two words for you sticker giver outer person: You suck!

9. An Apple

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Unless it comes with an ATT Wireless plan and I can download Doodle Jump for it, please keep your apple out of my bag.

8. Any Toy You Would Normally Get at the Dentist's Office

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Parachute men, bouncy balls, and plastic rings all fall into this category.

7. Gum

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In case you were confused, gum not = candy.

Gum is for adults and people with bad breath.

6. Raisins

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I don’t even think I need to explain why this treat sucked.

5. Wax Lips, Plastic Vampire Teeth, etc

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Honestly, now what the hell am I gonna do with these?

4. Pencils with Lame Halloween Graphics

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You can put lipstick on a pig…

3. Microwavable Popcorn

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Okay, cheap-ass. This came straight from your cupboard. At least humor me with something that kind of resembles candy…oh wait…on second thought…

2. Regular Food Disguised as Candy

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This Nutragrain crap is actually worse than popcorn. I mean,sure, it’s roughly the same size as a candy bar, but really? I may be a kid, but I’m not dumb. This shit ain’t candy. At least the popcorn guy was honest.

1. The Toothbrush

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There’s always that one dentist in your neighborhood who would not so subtly voice his disapproval by giving out toothbrushes. Usually these toothbrushes had his name and phone number on them so he was not only a Debbie Downer but a blatant self promoter too. What a dickwad!

Pennies

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I had a neighbor who would hand out bags full of pennies. When I say full, I mean about 25 cents worth of pennies. I remember checking to see if they were chocolate coins. They weren’t.

added by freeandflawed 09/19/2009

Those flat lamo lollipops

Sucker

Blow pops and tootsie roll pops, and even dum dums I can respect as Halloween candy choices, but those flat-ish tasteless lollipops, that I refer to as suckers? Cheapos!

added by aliciak 09/22/2009
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