If you really want to piss off your assistant there are some simple rules. Treat him or her like crap, make them work long hours, and never reward them for their hard work to make you, the boss, look good. Here are some surefire ways to make sure your your phones do not get answered.
Expect your assistant to do the impossible
The word assistant is not short for being with superhero powers who wears a suit. You will certainly piss your assistant off if you expect them to be able to read your mind, do ten things in two different places at the same time and not expect to get any extra money out of the deal at the end of the year.
Always make your assistant get you (and your friends) meal reservations but never take them out to lunch
Here are some fancy places that you will more than likely ask your assistant to get you reservations. If you never take them out to lunch they just might include in the special instructions for the maitre’d to spit in your food.
The best traditional Greek food you will have New York. Large portions and lots of fish. If you go during lunch you can pick out your fish from the fish display. This restaurant is huge and great for groups. It is like you have traveled to Greece for a business meeting but you haven’t left midtown.
The best traditional Greek food you will have New York. Large portions and lots of fish. If you go during lunch you can pick out your fish from the fish display. This restaurant is huge and great for groups. It is like you have traveled to Greece for a business meeting but you haven’t left midtown.
Ski the slopes while your assistant skates the icy sidewalks to work.
Chunnel of dreams
So your assistant told you about their dream to take the Chunnel to Paris from London while you were waiting for the elevator by their desk one day. What a perfect thing to do with your girlfriend! Make sure your assistant gets you a private car!
Take the train. It’s more romantic and much easier to hide your girlfriend from any friends you might run into.
Call your assistant in the middle of the night...
to tell him/her they have to come in early the next day because the printer is out of ink and you don’t know how to open a box and install a new toner cartridge. You simply must have those documents printed before 8 AM because it just isn’t the same reading a word document on your computer screen. It’s just not.
“A friend of mine who went on a job interview for what sounded on paper to be a great assistant gig asked the boss, ‘What’s your number-one quality in a great assistant?’ The boss’ response, in utter seriousness: ‘Being able to read my mind’”
Your assistant will probably not have the time or money for a vacation since you work them so hard and pay so little. Here are some great family vacation destinations that will make your assistant wish they were there as they wait on hold with American Express Travel.
You can send your assistant a fabulous picture of the Eiffel Tower from your blackberry. It’s even better than being there because they didn’t have to pack!
Always make your assistant go out and get your coffee and/or breakfast...
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