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Pewpewpew

the last mosquito that bit me had to check into the betty ford clinic

Neighborhood
Mission District, San Francisco
Occupation
Writer

About Me

I collect taxidermy, and I hold really intense grudges.

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The worst dressed celebrities of 2008

Started by Pewpewpew
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Updated 09/16/2009
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(2)

Categories:

Pop Culture; Humor

One of my resolutions for the year 2008 was to stop being so addicted to celebrity gossip. Obviously, I failed that resolution about 3 days into the year by logging back onto Perez Hilton. Since I - and I'm sure many of you out there - are doing nothing to rid our computers of the celeb tabloids we read so much, why don't we make something productive out of it? Like, for instance, a Community Guide? And since I know all of us who read celebrity gossip secretly like it when celebs crash and ...

Your favorite Asian snacks?

Started by Pewpewpew
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Updated 04/17/2009
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(4)

Categories:

Eat & Drink; Misc.

I pretty much live on Asian snacks, and I know there are others out there who do the same! Whether your entire diet consists of Pocky and Haw Flakes, or if you just like to dabble in the occasional Cup Noodle and Wasabi Pea, I wanna hear it from you. What's your favorite?

I Love Ethnic Beverages

Started by Pewpewpew
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Updated 02/17/2009
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(1)

Categories:

Eat & Drink; Misc.

All I drink these days is Grass Jelly and Goudas coconut water... and Jarritos tamarind soda and Irn-Bru orange drink and Jumex apricot nectar. So yeah, basically I only drink ethnic beverages that are expired and fail sanitation standards and are flown all the way to the states in gas-guzzling, pollution cargo planes all the way from the Third World. Do you love ethnic beverages too? Let's discuss.

The All-Time Grossest Insect Bites: BEWARE

By Pewpewpew
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Updated 02/11/2009
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(2)

Categories:

Humor; Misc.

The insects I'm going to show you in this guide are some of the grossest organisms crawling on God's green earth. They are not the butterflies that enthralled Nabokov. They are not helpful nor cute like ladybugs. They do not produce tasty honey like bees. They are not what Kafka had in mind when he wrote The Metamorphosis. These insects suck. Literally. They suck your blood. For atheists, these insects are the proof that there is no God. For the religious, look no further for Satan's prese...

What did you dream last night?

Started by Pewpewpew
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Updated 02/02/2009
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(0)

Category:

Misc.

I had the weirdest dream. Did you? What did you dream last night?

Shoe porn

Started by Pewpewpew
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Updated 01/22/2009
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(1)

Categories:

Shopping; Misc.

Are you as obsessed with shoes as I am? Are you like that crazy Kelly girl who's all like "These shoes rule, these shoes suck"? Unfortunately, I don't have the money to spend $750 on a pair of shoes when I have to pay rent in San Francisco, but it doesn't mean I can't look at shoe porn. What's your shoe fantasy?

How to Enjoy Sex via a Long Distance Relationship

By Pewpewpew
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Updated 01/04/2009
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(2)

Categories:

Dating & Relationships; Humor

Just because you and your partner don't live in the same zip code, doesn't mean a committed, healthy, fulfilling sexual relationship is not possible. You can have a great long distance sex as long as both parties are willing to make it work. You need to be positive, trust one another, and if you need to spice things up, you'll neeed to learn how to use the webcam in a NSFW manner. Don't worry, this guide will teach you the ways!

30 foods you should eat more often

By Pewpewpew
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Updated 01/02/2009
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(3)

Categories:

Eat & Drink; Fitness & Health

Do you want to stop getting sick so much? Do you want to lose weight? Do you wish you had more energy? Do you wish you could concentrate better? Do you want to prevent heart disease and cancer? Do you want to look better and have healthier hair and skin? Do you want to promote your health by eating nutritious foods that also taste delicious? Do you want to save your own life? Put down the potato chips and start munching on spinach and broccoli, washing it down with kombucha. These are 30 of ...

How to be ugly: Your guide to letting the ugly shine

By Pewpewpew
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Updated 12/02/2008
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(2)

Categories:

Misc.; Pop Culture

Who is sick of the term "pretty"? Me, for one. Pretty is inoffensive. It's expected. It's unsurprising. And most of all, pretty is boring. Pretty is one word summed up: yawn. It's so much more fun to be subversive, original, and even -- yes -- UGLY. The term ugly has had a negative connotation for far too long, and the purpose of this guide is to show you that ugly is in fact fabulous. And also, that ugly can be beautiful too! This is not to say that any of the people or subjects of this gu...

The Best Female Haircuts of All Time

By Pewpewpew
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Updated 12/02/2008
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(1)

Categories:

Literature & Arts; Humor

Here are some of the haircuts that have defined the way we look at hair. These haircuts might not look good on everyone, and some of them only look good on about 2 people in the entire world, but they are the haircuts that have landed a place for themselves in pop culture that will never, ever go away, no matter how much you want them to, like that pageboy haircut your mom gave you in the 4th grade when everyone made fun of you for having a mushroom head.

Curious and curiouser - a weirdo's guide to San Francisco's strangest shops

By Pewpewpew
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Updated 10/09/2008
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(4)

Categories:

Shopping; Geek

Do you have people in your life you'd call "impossible to shop for"? Those people who are just so damn specific because they hate everything except for like, two things in the entire universe, and you have no idea what those things are, so when their birthdays come around, you're like ugh what the hell. Or, was there ever something missing in your life and you didn't know what it was because that big gaping hole in your heart knows no name, and it's entire non-being-ness is like this creep...

San Francisco's Used Bookstores: A Reader's Guide

By Pewpewpew
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Updated 08/28/2008
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(5)

Categories:

Literature & Arts; Shopping

You know what really makes me want to delve into a good book? Waking up hungover on a Sunday morning. As I peruse my drunken text messages and phone calls from Saturday night, cringing in embarrassment, I feel a desire to read serious literature that is so strong that the only thing that I want to do on that hungover Sunday is go to a used bookstore and get my chi back in order. The best cure for a hangover is - trust me - going to a bookstore. When life gets chaotic and unmanageable, we're t...

Park your ass at a San Francisco park

By Pewpewpew
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Updated 08/28/2008
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(3)

Categories:

Entertainment; Travel & Events

Parks are so vastly underrated. In our busy lives, we're always on the subway, in the office, in a cab, on a bus. We never take time to just chill in nature. And it's hard to get away to Big Sur or Lake Tahoe on the weekends. What do you do when you need a nature fix but you're stuck in the big bad city? Go to a park. There are so many beautiful parks in SF. Parks are for everyone. Children play in parks. Dogs poo in parks. People picnic in parks. I booze in parks. Homeless people sleep in ...

Rock out in San Francisco: where to see live music!

By Pewpewpew
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Updated 08/28/2008
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(3)

Categories:

Literature & Arts; Entertainment

Music is hecka good. In fact, I'll go as far as to say that without music I'd probably have shot myself in the face a long time ago. And sometimes, it gets boring to listen to music via those grungy old white iPod earplugs that have long since lost their Styrofoam coverings. When your palms start sweating for the boom boom bass, get yourself to one of these awesome live music venues in SF for some prime time party action. Who knows - you might just end up going home... with the band! All my g...

Taco? Now that's what I call a pizza. Guide to the best tacos in San Francisco.

By Pewpewpew
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Updated 08/28/2008
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(1)

Category:

Eat & Drink

Tacos are sort of like the perfect food. One taco? A light lunch or a little snack. Hungry? Why not get two? Or five? So perfect: with just a corn tortilla, some rice, some pinto beans, salsa, avocado slices, cilantro, and sour cream to top. A friskier variety? Monkfish sauteed in white wine and butter, on a tomato tortilla with guacamole, roasted red pepper salsa, onions, cilantro, sour cream and jack cheese. If you really want to get creative, what about a tofu mole taco? What about a soyri...

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