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Matt Fried

Matt Fried. Your First, Your Last, Your Everything.

Neighborhood
Brooklyn
Where I'm From
The 856 (South Jersey, what-what)
Occupation
Writer, Comedian
Website

About Me

I'm a writer and comedian living in Brooklyn. You may've seen me around town at The Peoples Improv Theater, Upright Citizens Brigade Theater and Under St. Marks. I write funny stuff and maintain the blog, Sssh, don't tell anybody, but every single female Guidetripper and Maven is crushing on me. Check out my dating guides. Check out my music guides. Check out my blog. Thanks for stopping by. Wanna go play some bocce?

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Don't You Love The Brooklyn Music Scene?

By Matt Fried
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Updated 01/12/2010
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(0)

Category:

Literature & Arts

You are not cool enough for the Brooklyn music scene. Don't worry; most of us aren't. Since 2000, barely a handful of bands have broken into the national scene from whatever remains of East Coast independent music. In the wake of their success, the veil was torn from Maya and Brooklyn was exposed to America as a haven for every wanna-be Tom Verlaine and Patti Smith. Does knowing any of this make you cooler? Nope. Don't even try to fight the system. Just get on the L train, get off at Bedford ...

New York Mix Tape

By Matt Fried
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Updated 01/12/2010
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(3)

Categories:

Literature & Arts; Geek

Hey! Look at me! I'm a snarky New York writer with erudite music tastes and an uncomfortable fondness for Ira Glass. So most people may think. In these discerning times, it gets hard to be genuine in New York, especially with one's musical tastes. I'm not in the mind-blowing business (at least, not on purpose anyway), so I don't walk around bragging about what's on my iPod... that is until I decided to write a guide about it. It's my New York Mix Tape, made up of bands and musicians that not ...

I See Porn... Everywhere!

By Matt Fried
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Updated 09/18/2009
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(4)

Category:

Humor

Oh, our crumbling civilization. Have we really gotten to the point where all we do is think about gratuitous sex? In short answer, yes. We could blame this phenomenon on several factors: the change in social mores, a willingness to accommodate the lowest common denominator... the fact that we all could just be perverts. Whatever the case, one thing is true: we have sex on the brain. So, go ahead: indulge yourself here. You know you want to. C'mon - I won't tell anybody. Just make sure you mu...

The Best New York Superheroes, Ever

By Matt Fried
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Updated 09/18/2009
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(0)

Category:

Geek

Is it weird to still believe in superheroes? Or, to be 26 years old and drop $30 every few weeks at local comic shop just to keep up with them? Maybe. But it's not going to stop me from reading. New York City has long served as the template for many comic book characters, popular and otherwise. Since the resurgence of the superhero movie franchise, more people than ever are looking to dive into a world once occupied by geeks, dweebs, and Primus fans. Maybe you don't read comics anymore (nerd)...

Dumped and Being Dumped In New York

By Matt Fried
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Updated 09/18/2009
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(9)

Categories:

Dating & Relationships; Fitness & Health

She's gone. It's over. Just deal with it. What went wrong? I dunno - she wasn't my girlfriend. Every guy in New York has had "a break-up" and "The New York break-up." It's no joke. This is the break-up that leaves a man devastated; sobbing in the corner of his apartment with a bottle of Maker's, while Joy Division plays in the background. You have to understand: the New York City he and his ex shared is now officially dead. He might as well move to Denver. For the next three weeks, he will ac...

The Gentleman's Guide To Getting Laid In College

By Matt Fried
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Updated 09/18/2009
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(2)

Categories:

Dating & Relationships; Humor

Okay boys: school is in session. Welcome to college, where you can be anyone, and do anyone. That's right - it's time for all those crazy hi-jinks that years of Hollywood frat comedies have prepared you for: having sex. Contrary to popular belief, most college sex is regrettable and/or decent at best. That is, of course, unless you take active measure to improve over time. Look, maybe things are different from when I was an undergrad, but I highly doubt it. Let me put it to you this way: if y...

Everybody Loves A New York Jew

By Matt Fried
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Updated 09/18/2009
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(1)

Categories:

Jobs & Education; Eat & Drink

Fall in New York means only one thing: The Jewish World Series. Four weeks out of the year, roughly from mid-September to mid-October, four major Jewish holidays help ring in the new year on the Hebrew calendar: Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, and Shemini Atzeret/Torah. Sure, to the Christian world, these holidays are simple known as "non-Christmas", but to every Jew and semi-Jew in New York, it's an opportunity to take off work, get together with the family, and kvetch in the new year. Ju...

Who Were You In High School?

Started by Matt Fried
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Updated 07/30/2009
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(3)

Categories:

Humor; Pop Culture

Oh, come on. We all have a dark secret past, otherwise known as adolescence. Truth is, enough time has passed that we can now all look back on those distant memories a bit more fondly. Or maybe, burning our yearbook after senior year was the best thing we ever did.

So, You've Decided To Try Internet Dating In New York

By Matt Fried
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Updated 07/23/2009
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(1)

Category:

Dating & Relationships

So, you've decided to seek out love online, without the social stigmata of a chat room, or the police entrapment of Craigslist. Welcome to the 21st Century; now get ready to have your expectations lowered. It's funny how something - like internet dating - was once laughable at the beginning of the decade, but has now achieved social acceptance nine years later. Here's the truth: we've all done it at some point. It's fun and it's great fodder for material. Internet dating does have it's charms...

I Wish I Could...

Started by Matt Fried
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Updated 07/01/2009
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(2)

Categories:

Geek; Humor

Didn't we all have childhood fantasies? Truth is, I still do. Who wouldn't love to do something awesome that no other human being can do? Here's hoping...

My Favorite Vampire

Started by Matt Fried
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Updated 06/24/2009
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(6)

Category:

Geek

Vampires. The coolest of all the Hollywood fright monsters out there. They live forever. They're dead sexy. Some of them know martial arts. Others are ducks. They can kick over Frankenstein, destroy werewolves, and train zombies to be their army of the undead. So, who's your favorite?

The Gentleman's Art of the New York Pick-Up

By Matt Fried
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Updated 06/17/2009
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(3)

Category:

Dating & Relationships

The New York pick-up, about as fickle as the cast of Gossip Girl. It is not only completely subjective, but also completely fly-by-night. Therefore, take this advice or leave it. Hot on the heels of my original guide, Return of The New York Gentleman, I give you The Gentleman's Art of meeting the fairer sex. Enjoy, boys.

Get Your Constitution On!

Started by Matt Fried
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Updated 06/17/2009
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(3)

Categories:

Pop Culture; Humor

"All the single ladies/All the single ladies/If you like it, you shoulda puta ring on it!" As of this morning, you can in the state of Iowa. That's right America: Commie, Left-Wing, Progressives scored a victory with the Iowa State Supreme Court ruling that a ban on same-sex marriage in unconstitutional. Iowa is now the first Midwestern state where gay couples can marry. So, now that that's out of the way, what do you want to see amended in YOUR Constitution?

Ways To Make Easy Money

Started by Matt Fried
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Updated 06/12/2009
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(4)

Category:

DIY & Crafts

It's a recession people. I gotta pay rent! How can you make some quick cash before the end of the month?

The Gentleman's Guide To The New York Summer Hook-Up

By Matt Fried
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Updated 05/29/2009
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(3)

Category:

Dating & Relationships

Ah, summer. The time of year when guys can always expect 3 things: an amazing movie blockbuster, a permissible time period to wear flip-flops in public, and women showing more skin than ever socially acceptable. Indeed, it is everyone's favorite time of year. Of course, let's not pretend that the humidity doesn't get to our head sometimes, and we get to watch the missed opportunities pile-up. Bad news guys: every women in New York is reading The Game, too. Time to go with Plan B. What? You ha...

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