the last mosquito that bit me had to check into the betty ford clinic
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- Neighborhood
- Mission District, San Francisco
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- Writer
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About Me
I collect taxidermy, and I hold really intense grudges. I love to get super dehydrated and dance uncontrollably. I wish I were back in high school so that I could be like Angela Chase in My So-Called Life. In fact, I'm basically obsessed with the 90s. I have a pet snake named Precious Baby. I'm trying to get back into collecting stationary and stickers. I really hate bar soap. My favorite place to vacation is Canada. I am really scared of granulated sugar so I use agave nectar in everything even though it tastes funny. I literally cannot get enough of fake buffalo wings. My biggest regret is that I went to college, because I felt I didn't learn anything (Lacan? Derrida? Foucault? Who cares?). Blogs are my favorite newspaper. I luff teh interwebz!
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.jpg "A hot tranny mess in a good way - the best drag shows in San Francisco")
A hot tranny mess in a good way - the best drag shows in San Francisco
I love trannies. LOVE THEM. If you are a tranny, I love YOU! Trannies are fierce, in-your-face, all-day-every-day-I-lo... overly made up, huge hair, crazyface, men who live to explore their feminine side. I hate girls who look like trannies, but I adore guys who look like trannies, and most of all, I adore guys who ARE trannies. These ferosh bitches get paid to work it, and you should come see some of their amazing shows. Seriously, these shows aren't just dudes lip-synching. The shows I've s...
.jpg "Apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur - a guide to buying the best denim in San Francisco")
Apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur - a guide to buying the best denim in San Francisco
They say a diamond is about the 4 C's: carat, clarity, color, and cut. Jeans also have 4 C's, and while they are less well-known and less oft-repeated than the 4 C's of a diamond, they're equally important in determining the quality of your denim. They are: color, cut, curves, and cost. Read on to find out what jeans are perfect for you!
.jpg "A Vegetarian's Guide to Dining Out in the Mission")
A Vegetarian's Guide to Dining Out in the Mission
This is a veggie guide to the Mission District, one of San Francisco's most vibrant neighborhoods. The Mission is famous for its dive bars, its tattooed bike-riding hipsters, and its amazing thrift shopping, but it's also known for its great restaurants. Here are some of the veg-friendly ones. Bon Appetit! Oh, and gratuitous and creepy pictures of Quentin Tarantino included, who my friend Sundeep and I ran into at Boogaloos.
.jpg "Bitter with baggage seeks same: a guide for San Francisco's lonely hearts")
Bitter with baggage seeks same: a guide for San Francisco's lonely hearts
Does a raincloud follow you around wherever you go? Do you gaze longingly at people holding hands on the street, only to experience irrational urges to charge after them with a baseball bat? Is your ringtone set to 'Eleanor Rigby,' and do you stay up late watching The Wedding Channel, wishing you had that someone special in your life? Sounds like you need to take some initiative and change your life for the better. There are two options open to you. Option one is to get some therapy and rea...
.jpg "Coffee and cigarettes: the best dive coffee shops in San Francisco")
Coffee and cigarettes: the best dive coffee shops in San Francisco
What is a dive coffee shop? It's exactly what the name implies. Envision a coffee shop. Now envision a really dirty coffee shop with crap on the floor, horrible coffee, a bum passed out on the bench outside, stale donuts under a class lid with fingerprints all over it, and a menu with half the items crossed out. A dive coffee shop is the dive bar version of a standard coffee shop - and for what it lacks in the bourgeois comforts (a smooth jazz soundtrack, crackling fireplace, fair trade organ...
.jpg "Curious and curiouser - a weirdo's guide to San Francisco's strangest shops")
Curious and curiouser - a weirdo's guide to San Francisco's strangest shops
Do you have people in your life you'd call "impossible to shop for"? Those people who are just so damn specific because they hate everything except for like, two things in the entire universe, and you have no idea what those things are, so when their birthdays come around, you're like ugh what the hell. Or, was there ever something missing in your life and you didn't know what it was because that big gaping hole in your heart knows no name, and it's entire non-being-ness is like this creep...
.jpg "Disco in San Francisco, where we do the Frisco disco!")
Disco in San Francisco, where we do the Frisco disco!
Punk is dead. New wave is dead. Elvis is dead, and John Lennon is also dead. But you know what's not dead nor will ever die? DIsco. And there are DJs aplenty in SF dedicated to having disco... wait for it... ah ah ah ah staying alive staying aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii... We love the nightlife!
.jpg "Dress for success: a guide to San Francisco's amazing thrift stores")
Dress for success: a guide to San Francisco's amazing thrift stores
Are you looking for the perfect slutty 1960's secretary suit? Do you want to look like a flapper from Berlin? Want 80s jazzercize clothes? A wrestling singlet? A gas station attendant uniform? A disco unitard? Or just the perfect pair of gray, stonewashed mom jeans? Well look no further. Here is a guide to the stores in San Francisco that might just carry what you've been looking for. Note: not all of my reviews are positive. These are the most popular San Francisco thrift stores. Some, I do ...
.jpg "Eat locally at one of San Francisco's incredible farmer's markets")
Eat locally at one of San Francisco's incredible farmer's markets
When I was little, my mom used to always drag me to farmer's markets. I was not happy about this at the time. I hated all the stuff - I thought it was so boring when she'd gush over the quality of kiwis or force me to try a piece of raw asparagus to test the crunch. I'd drag my feet and whine until she got so sick of me enough to get back in the car and go home. I don't know when I decided to come around and actually enjoy the process of going to farmer's markets. I guess it was when I starte...
.jpg "Hipster San Francisco: What's the matter with the kids these days?")
Hipster San Francisco: What's the matter with the kids these days?
Anyone can be a hipster. All you need is an elitist and disaffected attitude, a few pairs of skinny jeans (maybe American Apparel's unisex pant, which come in many colors, or a pair of Cheap Mondays, a Swedish brand that got huge two years ago but is still selling at Urban Outfitters), some ironic thrift store t-shirts (the cotton has to be worn really thin so that they are an aura of 'authenticity'), a huge collection of music (note: vinyl > mp3), an apartment in the Mission District, a non-...
.jpg "I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream in San Francisco")
I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream in San Francisco
Who doesn't love the artery-clogging, calorie-laden, saccharine sweetness of ice cream dripping down the back of their throat? Who doesn't love a romantic date where you share a cone while watching the sunset? Whose bad day doesn't dissipate the moment the buttery taste of PB and Chocolate jolts their tastebuds into rich, fat happiness? Mmm hit the gym tomorrow. Have some ice cream today.
.jpg "Park your ass at a San Francisco park")
Park your ass at a San Francisco park
Parks are so vastly underrated. In our busy lives, we're always on the subway, in the office, in a cab, on a bus. We never take time to just chill in nature. And it's hard to get away to Big Sur or Lake Tahoe on the weekends. What do you do when you need a nature fix but you're stuck in the big bad city? Go to a park. There are so many beautiful parks in SF. Parks are for everyone. Children play in parks. Dogs poo in parks. People picnic in parks. I booze in parks. Homeless people sleep in ...
.jpg "Rock out in San Francisco: where to see live music!")
Rock out in San Francisco: where to see live music!
Music is hecka good. In fact, I'll go as far as to say that without music I'd probably have shot myself in the face a long time ago. And sometimes, it gets boring to listen to music via those grungy old white iPod earplugs that have long since lost their Styrofoam coverings. When your palms start sweating for the boom boom bass, get yourself to one of these awesome live music venues in SF for some prime time party action. Who knows - you might just end up going home... with the band! All my g...
.jpg "San Franciscans are weird, but you can learn more about our quirks in this guide, PART TWO")
San Franciscans are weird, but you can learn more about our quirks in this guide, PART TWO
This is PART TWO of my previous guide about San Franciscans. The first guide included Mission hipsters, Marina prepsters, Haight hippies, Castro gays, and Tenderloin crackheads. In this guide, we will look at SoMa techies, Noe Valley stroller moms, Potrero Hill "burners", North Beach guidos, and Lower Haight BoBos. Yes, this is a gross exercise in stereoptyping. But steretypes exist for a reason, and the day I stop generalizing will be the day when all the guidos in North Beach stop picking f...
.jpg "San Franciscans are weird: but you can learn our quirks in this guide, PART ONE")
San Franciscans are weird: but you can learn our quirks in this guide, PART ONE
If you live in San Francisco, that means a few things. In theory, being from SF means you're a liberal, you have some issues about eating meat, you spend hundreds of dollars a month on kombucha, you use Second Generation cleaning products instead of Lysol and BioBags instead of Hefty, your kitchen is equipped with biodegradable utensils, you shop at farmer's markets, you ride a fixed gear bicycle and carry a Chrome bag, you have a subscription to Mother Jones, you're in a pot growing club and...
.jpg "San Francisco's Used Bookstores: A Reader's Guide")
San Francisco's Used Bookstores: A Reader's Guide
You know what really makes me want to delve into a good book? Waking up hungover on a Sunday morning. As I peruse my drunken text messages and phone calls from Saturday night, cringing in embarrassment, I feel a desire to read serious literature that is so strong that the only thing that I want to do on that hungover Sunday is go to a used bookstore and get my chi back in order. The best cure for a hangover is - trust me - going to a bookstore. When life gets chaotic and unmanageable, we're t...
.jpg "Taco? Now that's what I call a pizza. Guide to the best tacos in San Francisco.")
Taco? Now that's what I call a pizza. Guide to the best tacos in San Francisco.
Tacos are sort of like the perfect food. One taco? A light lunch or a little snack. Hungry? Why not get two? Or five? So perfect: with just a corn tortilla, some rice, some pinto beans, salsa, avocado slices, cilantro, and sour cream to top. A friskier variety? Monkfish sauteed in white wine and butter, on a tomato tortilla with guacamole, roasted red pepper salsa, onions, cilantro, sour cream and jack cheese. If you really want to get creative, what about a tofu mole taco? What about a soyri...
.jpg "The battle of the hipsters: Williamsburg, Brooklyn versus Mission District, San Francisco")
The battle of the hipsters: Williamsburg, Brooklyn versus Mission District, San Francisco
New York versus San Francisco. Which city has the most pretentious hipsters of them all? Whether fairly or unfairly, New York is considered the cultural hub of the East Coast and San Francisco is considered the cultural hub of the West Coast. 2563.79 miles separate these two incredibly vainglorious metropolises, but that is not enough distance to separate the two warring factions of hipsters - NYC and SF - who each seek the titledom of "Most Hipster in All The World". Williamsburg is the st...
.jpg "What's second best thing to an open bar? A San Francisco bar that serves free food")
What's second best thing to an open bar? A San Francisco bar that serves free food
San Francisco is an expensive city, and budgeting is hard. About 75% of my income goes toward going out. Cab rides, drinks, concert tickets, covers, coat checks, late night falafel... these things add up. But what do you do when your wallet goes thin and you are faced with the choice between buying groceries and buying beer? Luckily, if you live in SF, you don't need to make that choice. Rather than NOT going out (which is NOT going to happen), you can just hit up some of these bars that serv...
.jpg "Your best meal of the entire week: where to get brunch in San Francisco")
Your best meal of the entire week: where to get brunch in San Francisco
Brunch brunch brunch. You save my life. You are leisurely - usually commencing at 1:00 PM - and you understand that the hair of the dog is the one thing I need when I'm already hungover. You don't judge me for arriving with last night's makeup on, one gag away from throwing up again, only to drink two more bloody mary's and then realizing that I feel fine. You don't judge me for my stories ("I did X, Y, and Z last night after a series of shots with some guy I don't even remember and then I dr...
.jpg "Your Guide to the Most Annoying Movies Set in San Francisco")
Your Guide to the Most Annoying Movies Set in San Francisco
San Francisco is often times called an intellectual city, with lots of cosmopolitan cultural offerings. In San Francisco, one can go hear a lecture or an author's reading, or get wine and cheese at corner bistro and sit in the dappled sunlight, reading Chaucer. This is about as ludicrous as anything I've ever heard, and here to prove that SF has a mean lowbrow streak are these awful movies presented in this guide. These movies are some of the most annoying movies ever made, and for all the di...
.jpg "Your Worst Job")
Your Worst Job
Whether you flipped burgers, picked blueberries, or counted nuts and bolts for under-the-table cash at ACE Hardware, your worst job is now your best story. How did you build character for minimum wage back in the day?
.jpg "Halloween Costumes - I need help")
Halloween Costumes - I need help
So Halloween is coming up and as usual I need ideas for what to be. I not only have to figure this out for myself but also for my kids. What is everyone going to be this year? Also feel free to share what you were last year. I have no shame in being seen as unoriginal. If you think mid-September is too early for this well you are wrong. I can start talking about Halloween because the stores have all their Halloween stuff out already, so there.
.jpg "I'm strangely attracted to, (FILL IN THE BLANK)")
I'm strangely attracted to, (FILL IN THE BLANK)
You can't explain attraction, sometimes it just HITS. You're walking along, minding your business and BAM! the next thing you know you're checking out the odd shaped hairy UPS guy and you're totally swooning. Alright, maybe not that extreme but you know what I mean. Some people call it chemistry, fate, "sparks", crushing....and sometimes I just call it strange. As you get older it's easier to deal with your offbeat love interests, so tell me, who are YOU strangely attracted to?? Or maybe, WHA...
.jpg "If McCain Wins What Will You Do?")
If McCain Wins What Will You Do?
I am constantly hearing that this country is going to h**ll if John McCain wins this Presidential Election. My question to you is, if McCain wins, what will you do? Will you move to Canada? Will you jump off a roof? I hope not, but what will your actions be towards the 2008 decision. IF you are for McCain, maybe you will just grab a beer and celebrate with your fellow McCain homies. Post your thoughts here. Let's get it out there.
.jpg "Comfort Food in San Francisco")
Comfort Food in San Francisco
Where are the places you go to in San Francisco when you just want to satisfy that hunger? When all you're looking for is just comfort food, something you know will curb your hunger in the best way possible.
Statistics
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- Favorited Guides: 2
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Shout Outs
Shout out to Juliette-
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can you make a guide of where you actually can go dancing in the mission (and the dj isn’t playing jay-z?)
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HAHA Yes, thanks for that video to my McCain guide. I think there will be many dealing with depression if he gets elected. Let’s keep our fingers crossed that he won’t!
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Your guides REALLY make me want to move to SF….I mean….REALLY.
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Hey Juliette Lovers….... I am a local radio producer looking for people to participate in a public radio pilot program. Think This American Life meets On the Media meets RadioLab meets San Francisco. I might even invite Juliette to apply and gab about The Mission if I could find an email address for her….... Contact me for more info! sonicsf@audioluxe… Contact
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You know how some people can smell colors? I’ve read three of your guides so far and they all sound like Cameo’s “Word Up” to me… tell me this is what you were going for, Juliette?
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Park your ass at a San Fran...
Parks are so vastly underrated. In our busy lives, we're always on ...
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I scream, you scream, we al...
Who doesn't love the artery-clogging, calorie-laden, saccharine swe...
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